#1
i hope you like im not too fond of this myself but i thought i would ask for your opinions.

Do you remember me?
I was the one who once loved you,
And left you to haunt me in my dreams,
Trying to redeem the memories,
Is there a chance for you and me?

Do you refuse, and leave my heart in desolation?
Departing, while I'm left in solitude, with my own aggravation,

So sweet and beautiful, I left you,
Controlled by my stupidity,
Yes, hurt, I still do,
For still I'm in love with you,
The same as i used to,

Do you refuse, and leave my heart in desolation?
Departing, while im left in solitude, with my own aggravtaion,

I'll stand here and hope of your returning,
And pray to God that you'll accept my apologies,
#2
Man, you should make a song with therse lyrics and sing it to the girl, really! I'm sure she'll come back to you.....I mean, hope so! I like it, it seems to be heartfelt and sincere, which is essential for me. Rock On!
#4
im guessing you're really feeling this. am i right? if i am, thats probably what made it such a good song. seriously, its really good, i feel you. its maybe slightly cliched and not too original, but its not that big of a deal. overall:8.5/10

can you crit mine? the latest is As the Rover is Bridged, its in my sig
#7
Fix the punctuation, you're using commas at the end of every line and where there should be periods.

The third stanza: the last three lines all rhyme and it doesn't sound good...I'd change the last one because the other two are good.

I really liked it besides that, quite good. I agree wiht the fellows above me...good job.

Please crit mine: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=392972

Thanks.
#8
nice man. i can relate a little bit to it so that makes it all the better.
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#10
i agree with that one person...you should sing it to the girl man.....but make sure you use an acoustic guitar...chicks dig that.....great song too....it could be longer though....but anyway, great song!
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#11
Quote by ~G{}{}BER~
i agree with that one person...you should sing it to the girl man.....but make sure you use an acoustic guitar...chicks dig that.....great song too....it could be longer though....but anyway, great song!


well I have a riff on my acoustic but it's only an intro, and I'm not good at putting chords to lyrics......
#13
Quote by ~G{}{}BER~
i agree with that one person...you should sing it to the girl man.....but make sure you use an acoustic guitar...chicks dig that.....great song too....it could be longer though....but anyway, great song!


I agree. Once I tried to play a song to girls using an electric with lotsa distortion... ug... les just say that I still feel the bump on my head from that day... lol if you know what I mean.
#18
I really like it! Are you doing more then just writing the lyrics?
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#19
Quote by MentalTrans
I really like it! Are you doing more then just writing the lyrics?


well yeah but I only have an intro for the song. I need to write the chords for the verse and chorus but I'm not good at puting chords to lyrics.
#20
That sounded like you really meant what you were saying...The word choices were great...and overall I'd give it a 9/10, but keep working on it. I think that if there was a little more added to it then it'd be even better!!
#22
Quote by yurworthw8ing4
That sounded like you really meant what you were saying...The word choices were great...and overall I'd give it a 9/10, but keep working on it. I think that if there was a little more added to it then it'd be even better!!


Thanks. I've been waiting to add more to it until I finish the music. I don't want to make a very long song when you have a small variety of chords in the music. But if I add more I'll repsot it...... Thanks again