#1
Staring out my widow
I see her and the family
She looks at the glassy portal
Never noticing me
I watch her walk away
Tear roll down my face
I knew that me and her
Will never feel the same

I will
Run away
Trying to make it to you
You will
Walk away
Never letting me get you

She leaves in November
A thought im going to miss
One last Sweet goodbye
One last tender kiss
But this is just a thought
Another restless night
Lying in this bed
I wanna make things right

I will
Run away
Trying to make it to you
You will
Walk away
Never letting me get you

Never
see me there
Never
Even cared
I wish
I could kiss you
You wish
I would get away from you

I will
Run away
Always running after you
You will
Walk Away
Never letting me get you
You will
Run away
I will never get to you
#3
Hmm, ok. I quite liked the first stanza on the whole but i felt the rest of it let this down.

You definitey need to use more imagery such as your "glass portal", that was brilliant, i want to see more of that. However, instead you drifted of onto cliched stanzas. Also, the stanzas with only a couple of words or even just one word n each line read really awkwardly.

Those are a few things you should look at and look to improve on in your next piece. Good luck.

Could you look at mine for me? It's in my sig cheers.
#4
Yea, this song works better if u can hear the thing sung. The one lines work really well with the music i wrote for it. Im going to try and get a recording for this one.