I Need some crit for this song kinda badly. . . .i reele like this song but, i dunno if pther ppl will. . . . it's supposed to be a semi slow song with slow parts and faster parts. . . .light and heavy. . . so plz crit, and i'll deffinatly crit your stuff back

This Is Tragedy

Far away there you go
And there you remain
Come back
I miss you so
You absence gives me pain
When will the time be?
For me and you
I cannot take any more solitude
I miss you


I miss you
And I love you
You?ll never have to come back if you never start to go
Don?t leave me here alone now it?s so dark and it?s so cold
I miss you
And I love you
You?ll never need to come back if you never start to go

I?ll hand you my heart
But I?ll need it back one day
Like flowers with opposing suns
We get further away
Give me your hand; I?ll never lie to you
I cannot take any more solitude
I miss you


Oh please
As the sirens pass
Don?t leave me here tonight
Hold on
To my voice
Walk away from the bright
Light shining in you eyes
Come back to my
Arms, Oh God
This is tragedy
Now she?s never coming back
Give me
A cross to bear
If only to bring her back
I cannot take any more solitude
I cannot take this solitude I miss you

(2nd Chorus)
I miss you
And I love you
Your never coming back now you?re as far as u can go
Even though I?m here alone for you I?ll make it through the cold
I miss you
And I love you
Come show me you?re an angel come show me as I dream
There?ll never be another angel you were the only one for me
usually these kind of songs r cliched, u did a good job avoiding this on the most part, this is a good song, i like the "never come back...start to go" line, one thing: the line aftter this, it seem off the meter, try taking off either "now" or the "so"s, but good overall

the latest is the top one in my sig
not bad, definatly a piece that is singable and i can hear it working as a song. i like the chorus lines that are longer. the two lines that are the same are good lines, and then the other long line has some good internal rhyme (yes, im saying that cold and alone can rhyme). the chorus is probably the best part of the piece. the i miss you i love you part is a bit cliche, but you make it work here with the repetition and then the good longer lines.

the verses really need more imagery. take this couplet: 'Like flowers with opposing suns/
We get further away.' change the word 'get' to the word 'lean' and you suddenly go from a weak image, to an image of two flowers facing suns on opposite horizons and leaning away from one another. just things that are simple like that can really give a better image which is really important for lyrics.

the really long stanza seems kinda strange. it some good rhymes, both internal and external. but there are also times when it seems kind of broken up. i would say work on the flow of this section, and maybe try to tweak some of the imagery again to see if you can find something a bit better. ex: maybe change 'If only to bring her back' to 'If only to carry her back' because it fits in with the bearing the cross image more.

i like the ending with a second chorus. it is very similar to the first chorus, but different enough to be noticable and sounds like a good ending. very well done there.

overall i say this is decent lyrics, but would make a better song. tweaking a few places and trying to work more on imagry is the biggest thing to help this piece out. if you have time and could read mine, i would appreciate it.