#1
Well, this probably contains content that will piss people off. So if it offends you, either overlook that and comment or don't at all.
I personally don't think this is that good, so I would like some comments on how to improve it. Crit for crit, of course.
Here it is. Please help me out.


Born of stupidety,
Or maybe lack of creativity,
Why are we so blind?
What happened to mankind?
We know there's something wrong,
It's our world wide mistake,
It's all within this song,
Our sense of security is fake...


---Quick

-1

He was born in the most corrupted nation,
He went to school but never got an education,
Another looser with cash,
Ready to spend it on trash,
and he's unwillingly becoming-

Society's Child- A boy raised on lies,
Society's Child- As he'll know when he dies,
Society's Child-
With a material fixation
In the most corrupted nation

-2

As he soon found in school,
He just has to be cool,
Even if cool, means you have to be cruel,
He's unshakably convinced that it's his right to rule,
And he's quickly becoming-

Society's Child- His heart is getting colder and colder,
Society's Child- Hates the world more and he starts to get older,
Society's Child-
He's addicted to attention,
But that just get's him detention.

-3

He's got a girl and a car,
He thinks that makes him a star,
She's on an unnessicary diet,
But he's in an armed riot
And thinks don't look good, cause he's-

Society's Child- Bad luck seems to follow him,
Society's Child- Boy, things sure are looking grim,
Society's Child-
He's in the street and has a gun,
Now everybody's on the run, yeah.

-4

Now he's addicted to weed,
Which was a bad choice indeed,
And his parents don't care,
Even though they're aware,
And he's too high to see that's he's-

Society's Child- His decisions are awful,
Society's Child- His every decision is unlawful,
Society's Child-
He was dumb with every choice he made,
Now he's barely getting paid.

-5

And now he'll soon be a dad,
And that's pretty sad,
Because both the parents are only 18,
And she left and took the son that he'd never seen.
But that's mainly becuase he's-

Society's Child- Lost everything that he had,
Society's Child- Another kid has no dad,
Society's Child-
He's made so many mistakes,
But it's the simple rules he breaks, yeah


---Slow

He spent his life in shame,
But had only himself to blame,
He though back on his life,
Memories full of pain and strife,
As he layed on his death bed,
He knew that he'd soon be dead,
His life like a book,
All the pages he'd read,
All the time that it took,
To figure out-
He's Society's Child.
He's Society's Child.


---Quick

You don't want to be like him,
Don't obey this culture's every whim,
Make the right choice,
Listen to that voice,

---Slow

You'll be better of then,
And you won't become one of Society's Children.

Society's Child...
Society's Child...
#2
For some reason this reminded me of a rap song,
or maybe some rock song with spit vocals.
Don't take it as an insult, it's just the flow
of the wording that makes it look like that.

Yeah I definately can't see anybody singing this...
Guitarrist living in the Kitchener/Waterloo area and looking to join a band.
#3
I think this is great. But don´t stop working with it.

Verse nr 2 ("as he soon found...") seems a little bit unnecessary. It´s nothing wrong with it really, it just doesn´t add that much to the rest.

And the ending´s a little bit long... but maybe it fits with the music, I don´t know.

The message with the song is awesome, I think it could be really good when finished.
Some live, some die. And the rest of us just keep fighting eachother.