#1



Kill Capricorn: Annihilation

You fucking cretin. I hold
Out no hope that you'll wake up
Alive. Cease your contortions and
Stop shaking your fist skyward
If you insist on it being finite.

I never pretend to be anything
But human and I hate you enough
To annihilate you, your masquerade
And all you think you stand for.

One way or another,
You will walk the beaten path.


ρ
#2
Conveys emotion extremely well, the diction was very fitting. Does the title refer to someone with the the Capricorn zodiac sign or is it in a celestial sense?
There is no place else to go
The theater is closed
#4
Ro i'll be honest here, i'm not digging this too much; yes the diction is perfectly used and the content in most essences hits all the relative emotional notes, and for such a short piece is commended. And heres the but; but I get no sense of characterisation, I feel these emotions but they are without focus, and thus easily forgettable, pity and anger are strong emotions, but this makes me feel sympathetically angry at nothing. I say!! I do say this though, knowing that there is a strong sense of two characters within the piece, but I dont connect on any level with either. Perhaps if this were a sequal in a series, and with some previous character knowledge, it would be stronger. Also I felt that the mis-en-scene was lacking too, I feel however this is more of a personal issue, since im a keen atmosphere writer, not that this is total deviod, just anemicly so.

That aside I want to end on a positive note so a short praise for your use of strucutre and rythm, which is perfect and I wouldn't expect any less from you. I'm sorry that I wasn't a great fan of this, and for; on reflection, such a trivial issue, but you have high stadards my friend.

peACE
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.
#5
I'm not too sure about this one mate. I think Steve above got it quite alot, in that there's alot of emotion here, but it's not really doing much.

I actually believe that the diction at times didn't help. It seems to contrast sharply with the swearing at the start. ''Cease'' might become stop, perhaps?

I'm just being picky. It seems very good overall.