#1
(verse 1)

These walls are like a cell to me
The light will set me free
Running towards this light of mine
For the rest of time

(verse 2)

Darkness in my sight
Even darker in the night
Then the light came
Nothing has been the same

(chorus)

What is the light
What does it mean
The darkness hides the answers
The light lets them be seen

(verse 3)

The light will wait and see
In the end it will destroy me
And all those looking for meaning
None is to be found

(chorus)
Quote by Zach_F
Please take your friends instruments, and burn them. Burn your friends too if you'd like.
#2
I like. reminds me of one of my favorite pieces I wrote a few years back.
Absinthe maketh the heart grow fonder
#3
Thanks.
Quote by Zach_F
Please take your friends instruments, and burn them. Burn your friends too if you'd like.
#4
No problem. Sorry I didn't have any more to say, but I really don't like passing too much comment on lyrics without hearing the song. doesn't matter how brilliant the lyrics are, the words can just come out terrible if given a bad rhythm, melody etc...
Absinthe maketh the heart grow fonder
#7
(verse 1)

These walls are like a cell to me
The light will set me free
Running towards this light of mine
For the rest of time

Heard it all before, but it's nicely put. I'd like to see more complicated vocabulary used and possibly words with more syllables.

(verse 2)

Darkness in my sight
Even darker in the night
Then the light came
Nothing has been the same

I'm not sure about this. It seems a bit pointless and lacks any real emotion. It just seems like words.

(chorus)

What is the light
What does it mean
The darkness hides the answers
The light lets them be seen

I think you should decide if you want the second verse or the chorus because they pretty much tell the same story. I prefer the chorus.

(verse 3)

The light will wait and see
In the end it will destroy me
And all those looking for meaning
None is to be found

Good ending but I think you should branch off from all the light business. It's a skeleton for a good song but you need the meat (i.e a deeper meaning) and it will be really top drawer

Could you check out mine please?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=394110
www.myspace.com/joyridingrange
#8
Quote by visa
(verse 1)

These walls are like a cell to me
The light will set me free
Running towards this light of mine
For the rest of time

to be honest, i didn't really like this. the rhymes where cheesy and overused, and how you bring your ideas didn't really appeal. I'm not saying it's bad, the first three lines could get you somewhere. The last line however sounds forced to me, like you were desperate to rhyme.

Darkness in my sight
Even darker in the night
Then the light came
Nothing has been the same

this wasn't really my thing either. i'd try to use more imagery, metaphors, etc because this subject is cliché, along with your choice of words and the cheesy rhymes. i'm sorry if i'm harsh, but i don't want to sex you up saying it's omfgzsogood when it's not (at least in my opinion, that is).

(chorus)

What is the light
What does it mean
The darkness hides the answers
The light lets them be seen

same, try to use metaphors and some original imagery. i'm happy to see that you variate your rhyming scheme here. the problem is just, i've got the feeling that i've read this a thousand times before, hell, even i wrote some stuff like this.

(verse 3)

The light will wait and see
In the end it will destroy me
And all those looking for meaning
None is to be found

i think what i said before applies to this verse too..

(chorus)

as far as lyrics go, i didn't think it was that good. however, i saw that you put these (chorus),(verse) things, so maybe you have a whole song written where the lyrics do work. i'd just try to write about other subjects, original and personal things. keep writing, things will come naturally if you try enough, and you'll grow as a writer! keep it up! i'm sorry if i've been harsh.

would you mind to do mine?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=393814

sdf
#9
Quote by White_Riot_1977
(verse 1)

These walls are like a cell to me
The light will set me free
Running towards this light of mine
For the rest of time

Heard it all before, but it's nicely put. I'd like to see more complicated vocabulary used and possibly words with more syllables.

(verse 2)

Darkness in my sight
Even darker in the night
Then the light came
Nothing has been the same

I'm not sure about this. It seems a bit pointless and lacks any real emotion. It just seems like words.

(chorus)

What is the light
What does it mean
The darkness hides the answers
The light lets them be seen

I think you should decide if you want the second verse or the chorus because they pretty much tell the same story. I prefer the chorus.

(verse 3)

The light will wait and see
In the end it will destroy me
And all those looking for meaning
None is to be found

Good ending but I think you should branch off from all the light business. It's a skeleton for a good song but you need the meat (i.e a deeper meaning) and it will be really top drawer

Could you check out mine please?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=394110


Its cool, This one of those things, that I just kind of wrote, so basically I broke the first rule of writing and just wrote for the hell of it, I'll check yours out tho.
Quote by Zach_F
Please take your friends instruments, and burn them. Burn your friends too if you'd like.