#1
Actually, this is a song of my band, Including Yourself. These were my first lyrics ( I wrote them) and I think I like them.

Let's Get Married In Las Vegas

There's a dearth of nurses in this oversize sick room
There's a lack of ethics over the cerulean field
But who's really unwell?
Cause maybe the ring is a bit too small
But it faultlessly fit around your heart
And keep your eyes safe
The honeymoon in Paris is way too expensive
So let's travel in the chaos we've created
Leading our steps straight to hell
As you cut the holy words from the cleric
You pretend to save time and love me longer
Honey, what a display of cowardice
A look on your pretty face, my lips on yours
(And that's when I forget why I'm here)
Wedding in the bright light city,
Lead the world on the edge of the chasm

Voila

Oli
#2
i thought this was outstanding. sure, a few things could be reworded, but there were some fabulous lines in it. (like the honeymoon-chaos thing). i like your choice of words, the imagery you use, and the flow in this piece. i'm not gonna break it up to full crit it, because i think it fits so well together, i'd rather crit it as a whole. and i loved it

can you do mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=393814