#1
Hey so i wrote this the other day please crit my very first official song:

As the one you love goes out the door
The tears they begin to shed some more
This pain your feeling deep inside
This pain you've come to deeply hide
Beneath the shadow of your heart
You find the feelings that will last
forever in your lonely heart

I remember the times we would laugh
Who'd of known it wouldn't last
The times we've spent together you and I
But rest assured
I won't deny
Your my angel but i won't cry

These tears i've grown tired of
But the pain still remains
I can't stop these feelings
From all these mistakes

This shadows begun to cast on me
this pains to deep i cannot see
Stop this madness
Come back to me
Shine your light all over me

These tears i've grown tired of
But the pain still remains
I can't stop these feelings
From all these mistakes

Let's go back in time to when we first met
Back when we were just some crazy kids
The love you felt for me
Was it all fake?
Or is the hate you feel now
Just one big mistake

The time i've spent crying now
I realise not worth it
The pain may be strong
and the hurt can disturb me
But nothing can take what we had away from me

thanks for taking the time to read it and i look forward to all ure crits!

Casted_Shadow
#2
I think the main point of the song is too cliche. A song about a guy wanting a girl back has pretty much been beaten into the ground by now.
#3
but would i be wrong to say that we live in a musical society where every band now is just a cliche of another band?
#4
Casted Shadow, you're right.

this is just like a lot of other stuff, but that's not a bad thing

wut i hate the most isn't cliche, its when someone tries too hard to be different

good song by the way.

crit for crit
ok, yeah. my name is silly because I signed up when I was 13.

BEDBUGS
#5
Thanks man i glad somebody agrees!

cliches are what music is now although i will admit you get some bands that are different and out there.

will get round to critin ure song right away!

Casted_Shadow
#7
The rules state that you can't put anything else than the title and possibly the genre in the thread title. No crit for crit or suggestions welcome. I'm sorry to be picky, but I have to close this. You can repost your thread in concordance with the rules. Oh and have a look at the forum rules/FAQ so matters like this don't get your threads closed again. Keep writing bro.