#1
This songs about noticing my many flaws but realizing that i'll turn out fine. I'm new at guitar(proud to say I'm moving quickly) and writing.( not so quickly). I've been doin it for about 6 months. So keep that in mind. I'm not all fragile and crap, so if it sucks tell me.

PLEASE TELL ME how to get better.

Here we go.

I see what nobody else sees
some things that are deep inside of me
Awful and ugly they may seem
but they are gifts bestowed to me

I may lie, I may cheat
these things may get the best of me
but in life I can't compete
with what i can't see

Chorus: I know i'm not what i strive to be
perfect, without flaw human eyes can see
and in life, all i wanna know
is that i do everything to the best of my ability

I see what nobody else sees
internal flaws and casualties
but to others i shine
in a world of pain and entropy

I may live, I may die
of the reason God only knows why
but if i were to die today
I would spread my wings and fly away

Chorus:

I may live, I may die
of the reason God only knows why
but if I were to die today
I would spread my wings and fly away

The End. crit crit.
#2
I like it, it puts across the message very clearly and entertains the listener at the same time thanks to some good word play and use of metaphores.
Clear as Mud
#4
you say you see what other people can't see, but that you can't compete with what you can't see. Other than some repeated themes like that, it's pretty damn good.
#5
Favorite Line: I see what nobody else sees, internal flaws and casualties. thats clever, i think that its a really good idea, and that for being new to writing, this is a good piece of music.

keep it up, i look forward to some more of your work

crit for crit
crit my rhymes?:

Lets Get Drunk and Fuck.

Subtle Arrogance

Do you realize, that i can clearly see your clitoris through your jeans?

Quote by Shaepwnsyou
They're very religious, so they have butt sex to save their virginity.
#6
I agree, \"I see what nobody else sees, internal flaws and casualties\" is a really great line. Again the message is clear, and i realy liked some of the language you used and just the way some thigs were worded. Umm.. I wish I knew how to tell you to make it better, other than what was already stated, but I\'m not that great att writing yet. But you have skill, keep it up.
#8
love it!!!
just like your other song, gets the message across well, also i think so many people will be able to relate to it, as everyone has something they dont like about themselves, excellent work

my main crit on this one would be the line "i would spread my wings and fly away" i would be expecting michael jordan and bugs bunny to jump out of nowhere in a true space jam style.