#1
Doubleshot of Arsenic

I try to forget
My time of imperfection
When nothing fell together
And I won't allow
Your face to remind me
Of this again

Just forget me too
I don't want to think of this
Give me a doubleshot of arsenic
And leave me be

It seeps into my blood
Travels through my veins
And it wipes out my
Forgetable existence

I will not forget
The times when everything
I stood for stood in first.
And I won't allow
Your face to forget about
My reign

Don't forget me too
I don't want to forget this
Give me a doubleshot of arsenic
And leave me be

It seeps into my blood
Travels through my veins
And it wipes out my
Forgetable existence

And now you see me
Rotting in front of you
The all powerful
Crumbling at your feet

<Guitar solo>

It seeps into my blood
Travels through my veins
And it wipes out my
Forgetable existence

It seeps into my blood
Travels through my veins
And it wipes out my
Forgetable existence

Just forget me too
I don't want to think of this
Give me a doubleshot of arsenic
And leave me be
Quote by Keef-is-king
Seinfeld: The Video Game

It'd be a game about nothing. But it would be fantastic, better than the Sims by far because there would be more jews.
#2
Hmm, it seems really sterotypical, not in a bad way tho, but i think you should elaborate more on the idea of the song during the verses because it seems like the song doesnt really have a "point"...im not saying it doesn't, im just saying the words in the verse need to tell the story more...

other than that, it seems like it would be a really good song...

crit mine please?
http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=394385
#4
Thanks for the criticism, I'll crit yours now.

In other words, bump =P.
Quote by Keef-is-king
Seinfeld: The Video Game

It'd be a game about nothing. But it would be fantastic, better than the Sims by far because there would be more jews.
#5
"And now you see me
Rotting in front of you
The all powerful
Crumbling at your feet" <-Man, this is power!! Simple but SO touching that it hurts! Please continue writing because you have the SOUL and the feeling to do that! Awesome work, I'd love to hear the music someday(and on the radio or on the TV, if possible! ) Keep up the great work! This ROCKS!
#6
A little sterio typical but good none the less. The structure of the verses is also pretty cool, not 4 lines like normal.
#7
Since you critted mine, I'll keep my end of the bargain. First of all I for some reason, really like the title of this one. I don't know what about it get's me but it does.

The song doesn't really tell a story, but it paints a good picture of a point of view and some of the imagery is really really good, especially this section:

And now you see me
Rotting in front of you
The all powerful
Crumbling at your feet


Keep up the good writin bud.
Comin' straight out of Compton, with a loose cannon. Smoke big green, call it Bruce Banner.

"Hey son, how many girls called you today? Zero? Oh and how about yesterday? Uh... Zero? Well son, you know what they say. Zero plus zero equals FAG."
#8
Dude that was very good!
This lyrics got some pretty strong parts, it's very emotional.
But as some people said here before, the story needs to be a lil more complex...
#9
Great song, the title is really catchy and makes you wanna hear the words.

Although it doesn't really tell a story it still paints a picture in the mind of the reader/listener and is very touching in that sense.

I like the way it finishes with "And leave me be" thats heaps cool
Clear as Mud
#10
Thanks for all the criticism. I don't understand what you mean by stereotypical though. I'll try to work on it if I find out how its in this song O_O.
Quote by Keef-is-king
Seinfeld: The Video Game

It'd be a game about nothing. But it would be fantastic, better than the Sims by far because there would be more jews.