#1
Dont think im quite finished with this one yet, just want to know how its coming along.

Wonderful Colors and soothing sounds


Patterns and thought eclipse my mind,
All brought to be by a soul so kind,
Sick to my stomach,
The floor begins to shake

I think I?m going insane
??.
Losing touch with thought

A soothing sound I used to hear
Stops the panic, calms the fear
Beautiful colors seal the deal
Mind expanded, begin to feel

Nothing seems to be safe,
Paranoia always takes over,
In an unfamiliar place
Only sleep can bring relief,

Darkness brings only new fear,
Only new fear?

A soothing sound I used to hear
Stops the panic, calms the fear
Beautiful colors seal the deal
Mind expanded, begin to feel
#2
A soothing sound I used to hear
Stops the panic, calms the fear
Beautiful colors seal the deal
Mind expanded, begin to feel

Now that is awesome. I like this whole song, freakin amazing. It's a bit short, but like you said, you're not quite done, so that can slide lol. Good work.

Also, you're the only person I know that can crit everyone's music and not ask for crit for crit lol.
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#4
I figured since you were kind enough to crit mine, I'd drop a crit on yours. I like the rhyming in this one, and you really rarely see songs on this board that have a good rhyme scheme, but this is one of them.

Obviously it could do with some lengthining but you said yourself it's not quite done, can't wait to see what it looks like when it is.
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#5
I need to do some more mushrooms I realy like how this is coming along and thats what its about.
#6
That's a really kewl song and even reading it actullay does make me think about wonderful colours and soothing sounds.

A soothing sound I used to hear
Stops the panic, calms the fear
Beautiful colors seal the deal
Mind expanded, begin to feel

^ that sounds totally awesum
Clear as Mud
#10
Patterns and thought eclipse my mind,
All brought to be by a soul so kind,
Sick to my stomach,
The floor begins to shake

in the 2nd line, do you mean "to be" or "to me" cos like on first read i thought it was "to me" but then i reread it and it kinda sounds awkward IMO as "to be"
this is a good opening, nice disruption going on in the last line. the only thing i'd suggest here really would be to maybe chnage the very last line slightly to "and the floor..." i dunno i just think it sounds better.

I think I?m going insane
??.
Losing touch with thought

personally, i don't like this. the line of elipses makes no sense, first of all. if you're wanting a pause there simply leave a line. i just don't really feel this bit fits in very well tbh, it's kinda overused and tired.

A soothing sound I used to hear
Stops the panic, calms the fear
Beautiful colors seal the deal
Mind expanded, begin to feel

this is great. i only have one thing to crit, and that's that in the last line, the rhythm is kinda uneven IMO, so personally i would change it to "Mind expanded, I begin to feel" or summat

Nothing seems to be safe,
Paranoia always takes over,
In an unfamiliar place
Only sleep can bring relief,

the first 3 lines are good, but i'm not so keen on the last. again, it's oveused and tired IMO.

Darkness brings only new fear,
Only new fear?

A soothing sound I used to hear
Stops the panic, calms the fear
Beautiful colors seal the deal
Mind expanded, begin to feel

i don't relaly like the 2 lien rbeak there either tbh, it's kidna cliched, with the darkness and all. nice repitition tho of the earlier stanza. i would suggest again just chnaging it to "I begin to feel" but yeah it's a good ending. sounds good
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#11
I like it alot. It seems as though it flows perfectly. Nice how it shows that certain sounds can put us in a peaceful place. Great work
#12
Damn, thanks jallus. That was probly the best crit ive ever gotten, your right on alot of things you said. thanks to everyone who helped.