#1
Ok let me no what u think of this punk song, all constructive criticism welcome


Drummer Girl
I met her on a boat on the way to San Jose,
She looked like a queen and she knew how to play,
With her crash cymbels crashing and her bass drum a beating,
I said girl It's you that I'd like to be meeting.

(Chorus)
Drummer girl, drummer girl you know how to rock my world,
Drummer girl, drummer girl you send my head into a whirl,
Oh drummer girl

She stepped into the crowd and she heard the people screaming loud,
The kinda greeting of which a king would be proud.
She had a quiet look around and all the while i was singing

(Chorus)
Drummer girl, drummer girl you know how to rock my world,
Drummer girl, drummer girl you send my head into a whirl,
Oh drummer girl

(I'm working on a solo here and it's almost finished, should take up a good 30 seconds, nothing too spectacular)

She's coming my way now,
She's walking right over,
She looks into my eyes,
And to my surprise.........she walks right by!

(Chorus)
Drummer girl, drummer girl you know how to rock my world,
Drummer girl, drummer girl you send my head into a whirl,
Oh drummer girl

End chorus by shouting: I never loved her anyway!

This is my first full song so please let me know what you think. :stickpoke
MIA Fender Strat
Yamaha FG-450S
Crafter 12 string
Orange Rocker 30 combo
Vox AC30CC2
Epi Valve Junior
Fulltone Clyde
Danelectro Free Speech
T.C. Electronic Vintage Dual Distortion
Boss MIJ GE-7 (c1987)
Boss TU2
MXR Phase 90
Artec delay
#2
well. it sounds like that avril lavigne song to me.

but if you put this over some mad death metal riffs and throw in a sweet sweeping solo. then it might work out.
#3
Quote by jazzmetalguitar
well. it sounds like that avril lavigne song to me.

but if you put this over some mad death metal riffs and throw in a sweet sweeping solo. then it might work out.


What Avril Lavigne song, i dont really no many of her songs. iv got a few pretty good riffs worked out for this already, not exactly death metal but they're not bad
MIA Fender Strat
Yamaha FG-450S
Crafter 12 string
Orange Rocker 30 combo
Vox AC30CC2
Epi Valve Junior
Fulltone Clyde
Danelectro Free Speech
T.C. Electronic Vintage Dual Distortion
Boss MIJ GE-7 (c1987)
Boss TU2
MXR Phase 90
Artec delay
#5
Quote by DUP3R
"and her bass drum beating"

Roflawl.


i no it looks like ders a typo there but the A is supposed to be there so that it fits properly with my melody
MIA Fender Strat
Yamaha FG-450S
Crafter 12 string
Orange Rocker 30 combo
Vox AC30CC2
Epi Valve Junior
Fulltone Clyde
Danelectro Free Speech
T.C. Electronic Vintage Dual Distortion
Boss MIJ GE-7 (c1987)
Boss TU2
MXR Phase 90
Artec delay
#6
it sounds like a song a Rapper person would like. Either that or a kind of song a boy band would play. No offence, but... You have a good topic, but the topic is too small. I had that problem before. I would like make a song everyday about little things that I experienced that day. And later after I play through the song, it sounded shallow and *cough* Cough* gay *cough* Cough*....... So what I would do is like find a topic you can add to your song.

Crit for crit?

My songs

Never Going Back: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=395265

The Way You Were Before: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=394050
#7
Kind of amateurish rhymes like "She stepped into the crowd and she heard the people screaming loud" and its not eactly lyrical genius....keep at it though, revise and whatnot, it could turn out to be good.
Quote by Douche ©
I may not be cool off the internet, but on the internet I am pretty cool.

Aww

The Pit Cliff Notes:
Quote by SOADfreak6
myabe we all suck thats why were sitting at a computer desk talking **** thro the enternet lol


If not all of us, at least him.

<//////>~
#10
Ya a bit shallow - I don't really know what you're trying to say and you just keep saying the same thing about your ''drummer girl''. Try something else - this is definitly NOT a punk song.
Quote by guitar_man_guy
Funniest story ever.

So Im in my room with my girlfriend, and Im getting a blow job (It's like 11 at night, thought everyone was asleep) and my brother opens the door while saying "Duuude you wont believe what I just caught Mom and Dad doing!"
#11
Its ok...but not really my style....it doesnt really flow you know? well keep em coming
peace out
UG's HIPPIE