#1
Sometimes, but not really.


I will call you by your name if
You call me by mine
It's alot to ask
To not feel so superficial and/or
Replacable
But you got me at first glance
I was smooth and unkept
Pretending to know a thing or two
About you
But you knew the truth from the moment
I opened my mouth
I am full of sh!t
You've made me inside out
And I am indifferent
As to whether or not I feel any different
#3
The only thing I didn't like was the indifferent/different rhyme. But other than that it was near perfect. I really like your style.
There is no place else to go
The theater is closed
#4
Quote by s0nofabe4ch
The only thing I didn't like was the indifferent/different rhyme. But other than that it was near perfect. I really like your style.


Hmm... I really liked this line. I think it gave a good... uhh... for lack of a better word: paradox... or opposing statement.

Beside that, I think the song has great potential. Maybe a definite chorus, and it should either be spread out more, or have a great second verse/bridge that keeps the flow going and kind of ends the story

boy it sure was something fierce however!
Great job
#5
Goddamn, I swear to God you post way more pieces on here than the rules state, I can't be the only one thats picked up on that. It's good that your writing lots, but is frustrating for others who are waiting till a new week after already posting two..

Anyway:

I will call you by your name if
You call me by mine Meh, not the most orignal intro ever.
It's alot to ask
To not feel so superficial and/or
Replacable Now that and/or replacacable was great. Really good thinking there, I like.
But you got me at first glance
I was smooth and unkept Nice.
Pretending to know a thing or two
About you I have some issues with flow more or less throughout this piece, but I'll forgive that as your pieces seem to not need a perfect flow.
But you knew the truth from the moment
I opened my mouth
I am full of sh!t
You've made me inside out I don't really like this line, kind feels you could put that in a different and more original way.
And I am indifferent I might have been inclined to go for a word such as indecisive than indifferent, I don't really like the repeat at the end.
As to whether or not I feel any different

I'll admit, I like this, in all. I would love to see you add a bit more in terms of imagery and metaphor, though whilst still keeping that simple, conversational tone and clever lines in your pieces, but that's something to work on long term. this is another piece from you that I don't really have a problem with, good job.
#7
I really like this piece a lot...it's good to see some of the "regulars" back here after I cam back, makes me feel comfy lol.

As far as the piece goes, you can do better, and I think you know that, but this is by no means a terrible piece. It's simple and bland but it works since that seems to be the point a bit.

Could you check mine when you get a chance? The Link is...

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=395671
#9
short but i like it....nice ring to it lol...and by the way, great song that your signiture is refering to.... ALL HAIL NIRVANA!
UG's HIPPIE