#1
[ ] = Scream

When the Sun Sets in the East

Verse
Colors of this morning are the first light on the inside of my eyelids
Open eyes now, like blood trails with no sense of direction, staining the black,
But as I turned I saw you weren?t next to me on this new morning?s sunset
Separation anxiety already sets in?

Chorus
[It doesn?t matter where I am, what I?m doing, or how much fun I?m having,
I miss you.]
We can watch the sunsets together again,
If you give me all that?s lost inside your heart.
I miss you?

Verse
The sunsets of light orange and yellow pink brought happiness to me,
The same happiness that you brought to me.
Now that you?re gone you?re included in every one of my thoughts.
I just wish we could watch one more sunset.

(Chorus)

Verse
Though things go backwards time moves forward.
If the sun sets in the morning wouldn?t it be night?
I wait for the mornings new sunset.
Dark now, And the image of your face fades from my mind.
I miss you?

(Chorus)

Verse
When we?re separated for that period of time,
And when all sunsets will set in the east,
Things that go backwards but forward in time
Bring us together again,
And all will be good.

Black out the sun.
No moment lasts forever.
#3
Okay some comments. There are some great parts to this. I am not sure what kind of style this is written in so comment back to tell me. I think this has some great true and original love song lines in it. I don't know what the scream part is for but i see this as a kinda mellowed out love song. i wouldn't go screaming in it because this could be just a great simple love song. I dont like all the black references it bc the other lyrics make it kinda sweet. Good work and try to brighten it up a bit imo because this definetely had some brighter images layered into it. nice work

Here is mine if you have the time
http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=396138
#4
iv edited it a little since iv posted on this site, so heres the newer one. ya its not all really HxC screamo stuff. its kinda like.. idk.. its not soft music, its DEFINATLY not heavy metal stuff and the scream isnt death like. just think of silverstein wen u read it thats how its played now that i think about it. like nice soft chorus's and verse and a scream that just.. idk rolls with it. is this making any sense? lol. hope so.


[ ] = Scream

When the Sun Sets in the East

Verse
Colors of this morning are the first light on the inside of my eyes
Open eyes, seeing blood trails with no sense of direction, staining the black,
But as I turned I saw you weren?t next to me in this new morning?s sun.
In this light, separation anxiety is already setting in?

Chorus
[It doesn?t matter where I am, what I?m doing,
or how much fun I?m having] I still miss you.
We can watch the sunsets together again,
If you give me all that?s lost inside your heart.
I miss you?

Verse
The sunsets of light orange and yellow pink brought happiness to me,
The same happiness that you brought to me.
Now that you?re gone you?re included in every one of my thoughts.
I wish we could watch one more sunset together, one more time.
one more time

(Chorus)

Verse
Though things go backwards time moves forward.
If the sun set in the morning wouldn?t it be night?
I?ll longingly sit awake and wait.
It?s dark now, and the image of your face fades from my mind.
I miss you?

(Chorus)

Verse
When we?re separated for that period of time,
And when all sunsets will set in the east,
Things that go backwards but forward in time
Bring us together again,
and all will be good.

Black out the sun.
No moment lasts forever.
#5
It's all good except for the scream. Maybe its a personal thing, but I'm not a fan of screams. What style of music is this because I think It'd make a good hard rock piece. Anyways, rhyme scheme is good, not too distracting and your pretty descriptive. Over all, this is a pretty good piece. Please crit mine Gone Away. Rock and Rule!