#1
Hey there, here are my two songs I would like to be commented upon and any improvments suggested. Thanks

1. Insomnia

Shut up and let me die
I'll try to fall asleep now
All advises aren't working
Mommy, mommy I cannot sleep

Chrus:
I can't sleep
My eyes are open
Never closing
I can't sleep
My lips are bursting
Thoughts are burning
Hallucinations will start shortly
After soul is dead

Sometimes I hear voices
It's to to go they're telling me
There must be different choices
Mommy, mommy I cannot sleep

Chorus

I hear the darkness coming
It's time for me to go away
Can it be I'm feeling tired
But I cannot fall asleep


2. Hatred

I feel the hatered
It is everywhere
And that's okay
'cose deep inside I know
That the world hates me

I can't sleep
I can't think
I'm forgetting my name
When I see the hatered
Fading away

I see the hatered
Mothers kill their children
And that's okay
'cose deep inside I know
My mom would've killed me!

I can't sleep
I can't think
I'm forgetting my name
When I see the hatered
Fading away

The age of evil comes
Etrnal fire burn
And that's okay with me
'cose deep inside I know
It will be Heaven for me!

I can't sleep
I can't eat
I am ready for war
Satan's childer will die
And thou be gone!
Thou be gone!


I do realise that the first one looks although it's not flowing but when you sing it it kinnda does :P
#2
please read forum rules and FAQ, concerning thread titles
Quote by Kensai
Maybe you've heard what the ladies say: "Once you go 77mm you don't go back"