#1
Regrets

When I was young, the world was new,
the grass so green, the sky so blue,
but as I climb these stairs, my chest grows tight,
the colors are so dull, and lifes a constant fight,
Every one I thought I knew, has moved on quickly,
And everytime I pray its through, it all stays with me

*Chorus*
When the silence gets too loud,
and the emptiness so cold,
I think of all the things I've had,
and they never grow old,
But theres a point at which I cry,
and seem to have a soul,
thats when I self-indulge and lie,
In order to feel whole,
*Chorus*

And as life hails, my heart ache spreads,
My spirit grieves, my soul is dead,
As I lie to sleep, my mind runs restless,
I think of all that I've done, and I pant breathless,
I've been forced to see beauty, with ugly eyes
I have lived my life based on deceptive lies,

*Back to CHORUS*

I reach for the sky, but I fall to the floor,
My times run out, lifes closing it's door,
My heart is failing, my lungs grow tight,
My vision sparkles, it seems I've lost the fight,
These stones grow heavy, I gasp for one last breath,
nobody weeps for this old man's death
#3
This is a pretty good, simple, and straightfoward piece. I'm guessing by your name you are a Zeppelin fan and this piece could work very well as one of their songs. Only advice I can really give is try to avoid some cliches. I know that they are effective and important at times, but sometimes a reader (or listener, for that matter) may grow tired of the grass being green or sky being blue. Not a knock on your writing, but sometimes what writers try to do is create an interesting twist on a cliche. Bono from U2, whether you like them or not, comes to mind when thinking about this strategy. Saying "The grass was so blue because the sky acted green" would be an interesting twist on those cliches (not saying it would work in your song, just giving an example) because blue and green sometimes have different meanings. Good piece, I was just pointing out a stylistic technique you can use to your advantage.

If you get anytime, could you crit mine its called "dead or dreaming"

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=395671 that is the link.
#7
NICE. I like this song a lot. I cant ever think of songs like yours hehe, mine are always simple ones. Only crits. I have are a few word selections that I think could help ya out.

First one in the chorus when you sing, "I think of all the things I've had,
and they never grow old,"

(Thinking of things once had would be a past tense so to me it would sound better kinda like this, "I think of all the things I've had, <pause> they never grew old." )

And in this line, "and I pant breathless" I think it would be better, "and I gasp breathless" and this just my pure opinion on the matter not telling you how to write or nothing it just seems to flow better in my mind that way but im sure you wrote it that way for a reason. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK THOUGH FOR REAL!!!!!
Ninjaz get Drunk freak out and kill people all the time and then totally wail on geetarz
#8
i like expecialy the oxymorons in the chorus man!!!!!! soo cool man....
keep it up
peace out
UG's HIPPIE
#10
I decided to read this again, it's much better then my first impression of it.... the chorus is still my favorite part, I think it's quite good. I also like the first verse/intro... screw it, i think all the verses are on about the same level of good. I like how you use contradict things to prove your point (ex. silence getting too loud), it's a good technique. Great job man.
#11
Quote by a-user-name
I decided to read this again, it's much better then my first impression of it.... the chorus is still my favorite part, I think it's quite good. I also like the first verse/intro... screw it, i think all the verses are on about the same level of good. I like how you use contradict things to prove your point (ex. silence getting too loud), it's a good technique. Great job man.

thanks mate I appreciate it