#1
Does that dog feel different in Iceland?
Does he see the world differently?
The dragon says yes
The tiger says no
But they?re just tattoos, so what do they know?

The snake loves the sun
And the embers of his cigarette
He?s always got a lighter.
He?s always been a fighter.
He can?t get his tongue around a mountain
He can?t get his body around a neck.
He?s got groove though,
and puts on one fantastic show.

And the bulls on the corner
Sold their semen for jackets
Their dignity for thrills
GLORY, GLORY, GLORY KILLS!
And they?ll never have a wife
For over two years
They?re gonna lose their appetite,
And will have to ask the snake for a cigarette light
#2
I laughed so hard reading the first few lines... I really like this, it's really good imagery... based on the first few lines, I could have never guess'd what this was about, but you really did a good job of fading the meaning in there... I like the ending as well, it's good. Great job man...
#5
Does that dog feel different in Iceland?
Does he see the world differently?
The dragon says yes
The tiger says no
But they?re just tattoos, so what do they know?

first of all, the rhyming here at the very end is absolutely perfect. sounds really good.
i like the seemingly randomness you have going on here, but at the same time, it's very structured. i dunno how to describe it. and i can't really explain why, but this stanza makes me think of native americans [red indians to be politically incorrect lol]
i don't know why. but it's what i think of. maybe it's the reference of these animals. anyhow i have nothing to fault ehre. lovely opening.

The snake loves the sun
And the embers of his cigarette
He?s always got a lighter.
He?s always been a fighter.
He can?t get his tongue around a mountain
He can?t get his body around a neck.
He?s got groove though,
and puts on one fantastic show.

i love this continuation with the animals and stuff. i really really really love the lines:
"he's always got a lighter/he's always been a fighter/he can't get his tongue around a mountain" the rhyming not just with the first 2 but the third line as well is fantastic.
i don't really know what to write here about this stanza tbh. the way you write it makes it sound as thought you're i dunno like almost worshipping this character, who i guess is represented by these animals or something

And the bulls on the corner
Sold their semen for jackets
Their dignity for thrills
GLORY, GLORY, GLORY KILLS!
And they?ll never have a wife
For over two years
They?re gonna lose their appetite,
And will have to ask the snake for a cigarette light

i don't like the way you capitalise the "glory, glory, glory kills" it make sit sound like you're shouting which IMO kinda ruins it. i would simply leave it in lowercase
this is a very interesting stanza though. good linking back to earlier mentions of the animals, works well. i like this piece a lot, it makes me think. but it feels omewhat incomplete. i dunno, i can't really get a clear and concise meaning from it, i think maybe one more stanza might be enough to finish it off completely

good work man =)
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#6
^^...sorry for my crappy crit here mate, but i agree with absolutely everything jallas says here, i agree that maybe another stanza or 2 could be good because i cant really get an actual meaning here.

Nice...9.5/10

If you have time and dont mind my crappy crit, could you check out mine? the links in my sig.

thx
#7
thats pretty cool. i liked that first stanza. i thought it was pretty cool. talking tattoos. awesome.

crit for crit?
Last edited by Alternate_rock at Jul 18, 2006,
#8
i liked it all, the GLORY, GLORY, GLORY KILLS bit i thought was gr8, itmade it more alive, i found it funny, very tongue on cheek like those people, wotthey called again (thinks)..................


AH YES, THE BEAUTIFUL SOUTH, WHAT A GR8 BAND, BUT ANYWAYS, LOVED IT
PSN: Noverion