#1
Kingston In Ruins

[Intro]
Too much of this
Too much of you
Too much lost time
Too much untrue
I fall, I feel
You know, we deal
This time, it?s real
Turn back, kiss seals?

(I Am Falling Down)

[Verse 1] x2x
A crumbled up piece of paper
That held my heart
It read, ?I never should?ve let you in?
It read, ?I never should?ve let you in?

[Pre-Chorus]
This future?s grim to see
This world is fa-ah-ling

[Chorus 1] x2x
This peaceful world, is falling (is falling)
These trembling meadows won?t reflect your happy face
This peaceful world, is falling (is falling!)
There?s nowhere left, perfection?s been displaced

[Verse 2] x2x
I?ve tried my best to
See the bright side of things
Instead, now we?re back to start
Instead, now we?re back to start

[Pre-Chorus]
This future?s grim to see
This world is fa-ah-ling

[Chorus 2] x1x
This peaceful world, is falling (is falling)
These morbid pastures will crumble to the sea
This peaceful world, is falling (is falling!)
As innocence falls to emptiness

[Interlude]
(Falling apart, falling down)
(Falling apart, falling down)
(Falling apart, falling down)
(Falling apart, falling apart)
(Falling apart, falling apart)
I Am Falling Down!

[Chorus 1] x2x
This peaceful world, is falling (is falling)
These trembling meadows won?t reflect your happy face
This peaceful world, is falling (is falling!)
There?s nowhere left, perfection?s been displaced

[Outro]
(I? Am? Falling?)
(I? Am? Falling?)
(I? Am? Falling?)
I Am Falling Down!


So what do you guys think? Can I improve in any particular ways? Crit for crit anyhow
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Kingston In Ruins
#2
nice job in general, thius wasnt a eye opener, but it was a good piece. A bit of the wording was a little awkward, like maybe instead of "crumbled up" you could say "crumpled", and instead of displaced in the chorus you could use "misplaced". The flow is good in general and the intro has a good hook.


Nice job, 8.5/10.

If you get the time, the link for mines in the sig
#3
i really liked it, sounds kinda of linkin park to me, tats my 1st thoughts, dunno of you like them, but it suits that style, whihc i like, very impressed m8

crit4crit? link is in sig
PSN: Noverion