#1
Wrote this one about 10 minutes ago. I realy dont think it is as good as my other songs and i need crits to improve it. Might add one more verse.


Apathy

Lost interest,
Lost cause,
Lately things don?t phase me
Lost hope,
Lost god,
Trying to gain back feeling

It?s become a problem,
One that I cant? solve,
Only one thing seems to matter,
All other interests dissolve

Apathy has begun to poison,
Good luck finding the cure,
My mind has become a battle,
A war against the corrosion

Lost motivation,
I wish I didn?t care,
Lost sensation
What went wrong?

Apathy has begun to poison,
Good luck finding the cure,
My Mind has become a battle,
Fought by two army?s of nothing

Apathy has begun to poison,
Soon it will all be over,
My Mind has become a battle,
A struggle against the emptiness.
#2
cool man. i like the whole insanity topic. wanna review my latest? its called jersey devil and it should be there if you search for it.
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#3
Hey not bad. i like how it all rhymes good, lots of songs in this don't rhyme at all. and the insanity thing, wicked awesome. i think the last thing it needs is an other verse. i like short songs with lots of meaning, or no meaning at all. i think it has a little to much bad emotion. but otherwise its pretty cool. i'll be watching for your other songs, you watch for our songs. peace, WOODnotes
#7
Not bad, but it could benefit from more stronger imagery in a couple of the weaker stanzas to make this piece more powerful than it is.

Good Job.
#9
Quote by _Mayday_
Liked it. Very minimalistic. Do you have some music to go under it?


yeap...but my damn mic is broken