#1
Godspeed To The Traveling Salesmen

We have a new way of dealing with these sorts of things. It involves ice chests, body bags, and cold sweats. Waking up with the smell of fresh pine and old clothes hanging about the air in your motel room. Drives to lakes in nowhere towns, and walks on country roads. But its worth it all, because its not where we're headed, but how we get there.

crit for crit
i would rather staple my own hands to a train, than pray on knees that judge and blame.
#2
It had a very good idea to it. actually i liked your intro more then the ending you have. im assuming you decided to center a piece around the "not where were headed but where were going idea" and you came up with that. personally i think you should take out the last line, and expand on this to make it longer, and have more of a point to it. Other then that it was nicely written. and if your returning please do the boyscouts one in my sig.

-Mike
#3
hey i liked it. the title to me seems like a combo of Coheed and cambria and Yellowcard. just thought id share that. and i think it could be longer. and i always like to know. what musical direction do you plan on taking with this song. My sig has my song.
#4
Quote by Alternate_rock
hey i liked it. the title to me seems like a combo of Coheed and cambria and Yellowcard. just thought id share that. and i think it could be longer. and i always like to know. what musical direction do you plan on taking with this song. My sig has my song.



im actually not sure if it is a song yet, if it is, its definately going into a grind/screamo approach.
i would rather staple my own hands to a train, than pray on knees that judge and blame.
#5
truth be told i dont quite understand the message you're sending. care to fill me in?
Selling a FZ-2 Hyper Fuzz. 35 o.b.o. Any takers?
#6
I liked it... pretty short but a good start. I'd like to see you expand on this a little it seems over as it's just beginning. I agree with Trig about taking out the last line... not permanently. Just give us more before ending on that... It seems like you have a start and an end but no middle if you get what I mean. Sorry I can't crit any more than that because what's there at the minute is very good.

If you get a chance could you have a look at this one please.



One day the otters will destroy you all... humans.
#8
Quote by MastaBassist10
What are you trying to say?

Crt for crit? Links in sig.



thats the beauty of writing isn't it? Everyone interprets things diferently, jyust give it some thought.
i would rather staple my own hands to a train, than pray on knees that judge and blame.