#1
Uhh... I don\'t write (ever). But I thought I\'d have a shot at it and even though I\'m not to fond ofthe results, I found the process of writing enjoyable. So please criticize my work so I know how to improve it in the future. Please ignore the less than perfect grammar.

Perfect

So do it one more time
Give it one last try
but its no good
because the truth is displayed in your eyes
and you know it

And so you scratch untill its gone
and you gouge untill you can\'t see
That you are only as pefect
as your imperfections let you be

chorus: Your imperfections cloud your eyes
act as the blanket of your life
they keep you warm on your mission to die
as the cold cuts through you like a knife

Everyday seems like a prison
and you pray that its your last
because the mask you wear hinders all your efforts
to mend your tattered past

You\'ve clawed away all that left
and realised your left with none
Your nails are worn down to stumps
And your game of hide and seek is done

Chorus: Your imperfections cloud your eyes
act as the blanket of your life
they keep you warm on your mission to die
as the cold cuts through you like a knife

and now you\'ve given it your last attempt
You know that you have failed
the cold it pierces the mask of clouds
and your true self is revailed

Your soul is free and you know it
but your imperfections still scream loud
and as you wrap your blanket tight at night
all you want is your prison of clouds.


So there it is. It\'s awkward in some places, but .. yea.
Let the harsh coments begin!
=(
#3
Dude this is great man. It is a little awkward at some place but over all it is great. You say u don't hardly write but it doesn't appear that way by this song/poem. It shows that you were really feeling by the writing. Of course I may have no idea what i'm talking about because i'm also new at this. But good job. Please crit mine to see if my opinion is worth listening to. "Imperfect" and also"Baseball isn't America's favoite passtime"
#4
For someone who doesn't write that's a great read...

Couple of things if I'm being picky is the repetition - you repeat imperfections (last line of 2nd stanza & 1st line of chorus) which put me off a little (I don't mind the fact you repeat the word just not two lines in a row in this instance). You also repeat 'left' two lines in a row in the stanza before the repeated chorus.

Don't get me wrong though I really like this piece I'm just being picky

There's some strong work in there and I enjoyed reading it.. can't wait to read some more from you Ziggy... you should definitly write some more.

(If you get a chance could you please crit this one)



One day the otters will destroy you all... humans.