#1
Hey guys. i'm new in this forum... Few day ago I wrote a song for my friends band.
I hope you can give me some tips and help me improve my song.

running away:

On your way to school
Dragging your bag
Feeling like your going to a gulag
It?s 7 AM and you?re still half asleep
Thinking lets run away, it?s really cheap.
But you never accomplish Cause you?re always asleep
Suddenly you?re eyes turned wide open
You say to yourself

Today I?m running away
You?re running away
You?re running away
And nothing can stop you
You?re running away
You?re running away
Your running away way way


Now you realize
You have nowhere to go
Well **** this, you got to enjoy
Everybody know you?re not a mother?s boy

Cause you?re running away
You?re running away
You?re running away
And nothing can stop you
You?re running away
You?re running away
Your running away way way

(Solo)

Cause you?re running away
You?re running away
You?re running away
And nothing can stop you
You?re running away
You?re running away
Your running away way way

Now you got somewhere
And of course, you?re lost
But the important thing is
That you have no Boss

Cause you?re running away
You?re running away
You?re running away
And nothing can stop you
You?re running away
You?re running away
Your running away way way

Cause you?re running away
You?re running away
You?re running away
And nothing can stop you
You?re running away
You?re running away
Your running away way way

And no one can stop you?
#2
i think you say the chorus too many times
Soon you will sit on the bench
of those who deny I have my soul
You sell a dream you create
Condemned by what you condemned before
Smooth are the words you sing down and high
Underground is your joy your laws
#7
Sounds like hardcore/ nu-metal, but not bad, I like it. Maybe you can whisper the last line after the music cuts out.

Crit for crit? The links are in my sig.
#13
heres the thing, its good for what it was but it never really amounted to much, like you pulled the style that you were going for off very well but as far as just general lyrics go it was fairly weak. I like the chorus actually and think it will sound really good, can you pm me the song if you guys do record it?

Edit: crit for crit? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=398801