#1
Verse One
He's driving down the road of life,
looking through the rear view mirror.
Looking back
at things long past
at things that couldn't last.

Verse Two
Going down a one way path,
Where a dead end lies.
Blaming mistakes
on the one above,
Feeling he can't survive.

Chorus
Life's too short
To throw away
Looking through a rear view mirror.
Looking through a rear view mirror.

Bridge
Looking behind,
he loses control,
his life comes to a halt.
And on the road,
there lies a body,
Of one that he hit.
Of one who loved him.
Of one he should've seen.
Of one he should've loved,
but he was
Looking back
at things long past
at things that couldn't last.

Verse Three
He eyes have finally opened,
He sees what he has done.
But just too late,
He could have saved
the one whose heart he broke.

Chorus
Life's too short
To throw away
Looking through a rear view mirror.
I was looking through a rear view mirror.


Crit 4 Crit, of course. Any help would be awesome!
#2
I really liked it.

I love the entire symbolism/metaphor of it.

I just don't like the Chorus, you should spice that up a bit because a Chorus is very important.

Nothing much to crit because I think it's perfect with the exception of the Chorus.

Good job man, keep it up.
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#3
The first two verses were awesome. Very well written. Good flow.

I´m not sure about the chorus, with the right music it could work, but I doubt it. It needs to be one or two lines longer, I think. But the finishing chorus fit. Good ending.

And maybe you could cut down the bridge a bit, it´s quite long but it doesn´t say very much. Maybe you could skip just those two lines: "of one he should´ve seen, of one he should´ve loved". Just a suggestion.
Some live, some die. And the rest of us just keep fighting eachother.
#5
i pretty much agree with everyone.. i really enjoyed the first two verses, I like the subject and how you chose to address it. I do think an expanded chorus would make it better, or perhaps if it was worded a little bit differently... but you've got the idea of what you want at least. I think you've accomplished what you set out to do when you decided to write this, which is really the most important part thing. Sometimes people complain about the rhyme scheme, or too mysterious, being too strange... you know what i'm getting at. You can only judge a song based on what it's supposed to be, and I think you accomplished your goals on this one. Good job
#6
I thought it was great! It really seemed to show a man who's lost and feels alone and wants to have things back. I actually thought the chorus was alright-maybe too short, but depending on the music it could actually be the perfect chorus. But, I thought it was very eloquent in a subtle sort of way and I really liked the repeat from the first verse in the bridge-great touch!

It'd be great if you could review mine, too, though.
Lonely Souls' Lane
#7
The first two verses were great. The Chorus was good. The bridge was ok. And the last verse was good. Overall, it was a very well written piece.
#8
the song was allright but i agree the chorus should be a little longer and the bridge a little shorter. overall good job
#9
i liked it a lot. i enjoyed how you took
the idea of looking back at what youve
done instead of looking forward to what
you can. keep up the good work!
i shwung and i shwinged
but it never really shwang