#1
This is the first song the I've written and actually really liked after rereading it through a few times. I wrote this last night while experimenting with some new guitar chords and it came out like this:

Empathy,
Compassion in my veins.
Sympathy,
Acknowledgment in vain.

Listening to the sounds of the night,
A neighbour's, daughter's friend.
Rare occasions swallow my confidence,
Even though I'm just 'round the bend.

Images,
Abstract art in my mind,
Portraits
Of people left behind.

Listening to the sounds of the night,
A neighbour's, daughter's friend.
Rare occasions swallow my confidence,
Even though I'm just 'round the bend.

Pitiful
Mistakes filled with aid.
Deplorable,
Accident prone accolades.

I wrote the first verse just trying to exercise some words that I rarely hear people using and it seemed like gibberish, but after I wrote the chorus it sounded more promising. Then the second and third verses shaped it into a rather obscure love song, I think. The title just came to me now because of the songs unexpected development for me.

Any criticism is welcome, because as a fairly new writer I know I am in need of great improvement. Thanks to all auggestions and criticisms. Cheers.
#2
obscure love song... yeah, i think it is... it's written in a unique way, which is cool and all.. I'm really wondering how this comes together in a song... what kind of direction are you taking this in? The chorus seems fine, and I personally like the structure of the verses... although the verses do come off a little strange to me.... overall, it certainly ain't bad IMO.. nice to see another new writer working hard..

crit for crit?
#3
I was fooling around with some really new chords that I had learned (and a few I just stumbled upon by accident by making accidents) and then pieced together a rhythm. Its hard to describe how it works, but it reminds me a lot of Radiohead mixed with my own twinge.

And I'm glad to have had my first song be liked by at least one person.
#4
pretty cool man, you said that it remids you of radiohead which is cool. just be sure to keep the paranoid, creeped out vibe that thom yorke delivers so well.
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