#1
Bombs falling,
Broken streets,
Crying children,
Can you hear the clamping
Of soldiers feet?

Chorus:
This is war,
This is hate,
This is your fate,
Living for death

The guilty rule
While the innocent
Fall,
Bullets flying,
Cant you see these
people dying?

Chorus

Soldiers fighting
Without a cause,
Dying for a empty
Lie,

Chorus

Is this power worth dying for?
Is the desire to be known
Too strong?
Forget this fight go home,
Oh wait you cant cos

Chorus
locked up,
inside my head,
this anger,
this suffering,
this pain,
leaves me
dead,
hold your head
up high,
it isn't over yet,
they say,
they say the eyes are the window
to the soul,
look into mine and what do you see?
#3
" This is war,
This is hate, "

is like from atreyus five vicodin shot with (something something) clarity

avoid war songs, their all the same

blah blah death for who? blah blah pt is war not good.
#4
Hmm, metal song, yah?

The message you're trying to convey is fine, but the way you go about it is as cliche as can be. If I were to think of a stereotypical set of lyrics for a metal song they would be simelar to this. Maybe its because its really blunt and straight to the point and you're intending to shock. But still this can be done in a better way, 'Dulce et Decorum est' I think conveys war brilliantly. But hey, I may have completely misread this and missed some sort of subtle irony. But whatevAH!
#5
that s a sweeeet as poem

dulce et decorum est
"it is sweet and proper to die for one's country"
i like the irony !
#7
not bad rhyme scheme
I've seen emo-er.


Member of the "I am a Fan of Gaycore Wrestle-Metal" Fanclub.
#8
Decent rhyming, I'll give you that, but it seems to be very cliche. Its hard to write a song on this kind of subject without cliche, props for trying. Keep working, though, you'll get it.

Could you please crit my rap "Fate of the Lesser", it would be really nice if would either do that, or "On Life", they're both in my sig. Thanks!