#1
It a poem. Hope you enjoy it, crit for crit dudes.

A Dirge, For Her

And, as days past on and memories grew thinner
I sang for her a paean of old days.
Necessary was my true worth to be told;
I falter to speak for I did not know her.
Nor, as only time could and did reveal, not a soul did.
Mother lying, exulting praise to her shining, tinsel G-d
Deceived by her own blood, now lying solemnly.
Let her final moments be revealed to glistening eyes
Come, we shall lament together!
Arrogant is the heart that lets pain destroy it
Bitter are the lips that suck in pleasurable death.
On the other side, and ignorant father roams about
Unknowing in his way, but how could he?
I felt let down by the silence of my companion
And ripped by my shattered future that lay ahead
As for them, they cannot know what lies in wait
The bruised sky, refusing to cry, let the ceremony commence
Let the tears and sorrow be replaced with fake smiles;
It always helped me, along with my liquid crutch.
Nature makes me blissful, suffice to say, ignorant.

A dirge for her be sung, in that she died so young.
Last edited by JamesDouglas at Jul 21, 2006,
#2
I think it's pretty okay. But.. I don't know... Not really my thing, I guess. It kind of reminded me of the Dune Chronicles - the language is kind of similar. All the same, 6/10.