#1
That nurse over there? She fucking loves me.
I come from a county where they plant soldier limbs in
the ground in hopes of growing soldier trees.
They roll there nails in cigarettes and lace them with their
own cum.
They let their children rot under the porch.

That nurse? She took sympathy on me.
She sponge-bathed me with Fiji water.
Gave me milk with dinner.
(I hadn't tasted milk in 3 years).

When I arrived in this county, I was a F.L.A.
(A Female Liberation Activist).
But around the end of the first month they had
me gang-banging while tipping my hat to the
two-way mirror.

That nurse got me good again.
Re-schooled me.
She brought back my record collection and flushed out
the Zeppelin and put the Tom Waits back in.

I'm gonna return to this town.
A crazy F.L.A. with a re-armed knowledge of
literature, decency, and how to mix chemicals.

That nurse? She fucking loved me.
Poor advice.
#3
Messanger dutes.... (from Glenn):

I logged onto UG for the first time in ages, as a neutral user; as I am banned at the moment. The only thing I looked at was this piece, so I had to get someone to say this. It was so near perfect that it is perfect. It's pretty american to me, not just in the language but the theme and main idea. I really think it stands out with a strong message and the writing itself is superb. I liked it so much that i printed it off.

yours banned ingly

Glenn aka thepickups
#4
And from me...

Now it has to be said; i'm the exactly the biggest fan of the American style whn it comes down to it, but i made an exception here.

Sorry gotta go, i'll get back to this.
#5
Is this an old piece, or did you cannibalize old pieces in its construction. I'm thinking it's the latter, I remember the line "grew soldier trees" from one of your old ones...I liked that construction a lot better. This is a very interesting piece, I like it quite a bit. But the suggestion is that the old poem I remember has been killed and its organs been harvested for this one, which saddens me, as I remember loving that piece like crazy.
#6
Woah, this was pretty cool, I liked it. It seems to me to be about a man who joined the military as a kind man with strong values, and when he got over there, he forgot his values and moral, and when he came to this woman, she nursed him back to moral health. Am I right?

And could you please crit mine? Its called "Fate of the Lesser" and its a rap; I just re-wrote it and need some more crits on the new copy. Here's the link: http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=396891 , thanks!