#1
Leningrad

Missiles fly into their hearts
Bombs from sea to shining sea
From Stalin's fist
Begin the heist
And rob them of their sanity

Hammers fly into their knees
Sickles rip into their skull
From Moscow we
Shall bring victory
And they shall pay for what they've done to me

And now
Spill their guts
Across their homes
Fly their heads on flags
Back in Leningrad

The red land lives up to its name
People oppressed for years to come
From Stalin's fist
Begin the heist
And rob them of their freedom too

And now
Spill their guts
Across their homes
Fly their heads on flags
Back in Leningrad

And now you see
In the land of tyranny
Stalin enjoys every last minute
He milks his leadership for what it's worth
Because he knows that in the end
Nothing will be on his side
He rips them apart, rips them well
'Cause in the end he'll be in Hell!

And now
Spill their guts
Across their homes
Fly their heads on flags
Back in Leningrad

And now
Spill their guts
Across their homes
Fly their heads on flags
In their home, Leningrad

((In case you haven't noticed, it's about the Cold War, Stalinism, and Communism))
Quote by Keef-is-king
Seinfeld: The Video Game

It'd be a game about nothing. But it would be fantastic, better than the Sims by far because there would be more jews.
#2
Good song. Gives a true insight it the truth.

Hell, if things continue the way they are with Bush, then we'll have another war.
#4
^ ummm.. he did actually say that it's about the USSR and stuff... That isn't Bush...
Dem Dry Bones
Current read: I Am America (And You Can Too) (Stephen Colbert)
Album of the Week: Four Thieves Gone (The Avett Brothers)
#5
Thanks for the criticism, [sarcasm]and thanks for commenting the song doctor_rocker[/sarcasm]
Quote by Keef-is-king
Seinfeld: The Video Game

It'd be a game about nothing. But it would be fantastic, better than the Sims by far because there would be more jews.
#6
^ Yeah, sorry. I realized I probably should have, and I just haven't gotten around to it yet.

[EDIT]: Here ya go:

Missiles fly into their hearts
Bombs from sea to shining sea
From Stalin's fist
Begin the heist
I don't know if you meant to rhyme here, but heist and fist don't
And rob them of their sanity

Hammers fly into their knees
Sickles rip into their skull
From Moscow we
Shall bring victory
And they shall pay for what they've done to me
I liked this verse

And now
Spill their guts
Across their homes
Fly their heads on flags
Back in Leningrad
the last two lines were good

The red land lives up to its name
People oppressed for years to come
From Stalin's fist
Begin the heist
And rob them of their freedom too

And now
Spill their guts
Across their homes
Fly their heads on flags
Back in Leningrad

And now you see
In the land of tyranny
Stalin enjoys every last minute
He milks his leadership for what it's worth
Because he knows that in the end
Nothing will be on his side
He rips them apart, rips them well
'Cause in the end he'll be in Hell!
Well, at times the rhythm kind of got choppy, here

And now
Spill their guts
Across their homes
Fly their heads on flags
Back in Leningrad

And now
Spill their guts
Across their homes
Fly their heads on flags
In their home, Leningrad

Overall, this was pretty good. The rhythm wasn't amazingly consistant, but whatever. I'd give this a 6 or 7 out of 10.
Dem Dry Bones
Current read: I Am America (And You Can Too) (Stephen Colbert)
Album of the Week: Four Thieves Gone (The Avett Brothers)
Last edited by doctor_rocker at Jul 21, 2006,
#7
Thanks, and in the song the words Fist and Heist will be emphasized, and fist is pronounced with an ending like heist in the song, but its gonna be yelled, like.


Missiles fly into their hearts
Bombs from sea to shining sea
From Stalin's (everyone yellsFIST
Begin the (everyone yellsHEIST
I don't know if you meant to rhyme here, but heist and fist don't
And rob them of their sanity

Yeah...thanks for critting the song.
Quote by Keef-is-king
Seinfeld: The Video Game

It'd be a game about nothing. But it would be fantastic, better than the Sims by far because there would be more jews.
#8
The long verse seem rythmically odd:

And now you see
In the land of tyranny
Stalin enjoys every last minute
He milks his leadership for what it's worth
Because he knows that in the end
Nothing will be on his side
He rips them apart, rips them well
'Cause in the end he'll be in Hell!


I thought the bolded part was kind of cool.
I also like the two lines about hammers and sickles.
As a whole, I liked it. The meaning and the irony shone through well.
BOOM-SHAKALAKALAKA-BOOM-SHAKALAKUNGA
#9
great song....great metaphors, great lengh.....
nice way to put things!
gore is always good!
peace out
UG's HIPPIE
#10
Quote by I Walk Alone
Leningrad

Missiles fly into their hearts
Bombs from sea to shining sea
From Stalin's fist
Begin the heist
And rob them of their sanity

This first verse was cool. But the "sea to shining sea" thing kinda threw me off a little. Otherwise, good.

Hammers fly into their knees
Sickles rip into their skull
From Moscow we
Shall bring victory
And they shall pay for what they've done to me

Isn't is skulls? I'm a little confused with this part. Is it supposed to be just one person or more?

And now
Spill their guts
Across their homes
Fly their heads on flags
Back in Leningrad

This reminded me of Saving Private Ryan. Gory. But still pretty good.

The red land lives up to its name
People oppressed for years to come
From Stalin's fist
Begin the heist
And rob them of their freedom too

What happened to the rhyming you had in the first verse?

And now
Spill their guts
Across their homes
Fly their heads on flags
Back in Leningrad

(same as before)

And now you see
In the land of tyranny
Stalin enjoys every last minute
He milks his leadership for what it's worth
Because he knows that in the end
Nothing will be on his side
He rips them apart, rips them well
'Cause in the end he'll be in Hell!

Very, very direct. It seems like the rhyming you had is starting to fall apart a little.

And now
Spill their guts
Across their homes
Fly their heads on flags
Back in Leningrad

And now
Spill their guts
Across their homes
Fly their heads on flags
In their home, Leningrad

(both the same as before)


((In case you haven't noticed, it's about the Cold War, Stalinism, and Communism))



Overall, it was an interesting piece to read. The guts and heads on flags didn't really work for me and the rhythm and rhyming seemed to fall apart a little towards the end but it's still good. 7/10
#11
thanks for the crits man.. not bad, you have some good thoughts in there. I find it interesting that you chose to do a song about the cold war so long after it ended, not a bad idea. You paint an interesting picture, you make it easy to understand what's in your mind on the song. I liked it for the most part.. keep on workin.
#12
hey i like it nut it seems a little to dramatic. but other than that awesome song. peace WOODnotes
#14
In some parts, the rythym was a bit off. However, I like the way you used line breaks to emphasize certain parts:

Like this:
From Stalin's fist
Begin the heist


Good job. Also, I liked the imagery. You used strong verbs and good word choices. Good job, man.
#15
Thanks for the crits guys, I've got a good feeling about this one.
Quote by Keef-is-king
Seinfeld: The Video Game

It'd be a game about nothing. But it would be fantastic, better than the Sims by far because there would be more jews.