#1
[I'm 14 by the way, if that helps anything.. lol][Chorus][Verse][Verse][Chorus X2][Fade out]

my brother and my keeper,
my walker and my killer,
my brother and my keeper,
my walker and my killer,
my brother and my keeper,
my walker and my killer,
#4
It's writing it can't be lame. It's your way of writing not the moccasins way. lol Actually hasn't everybody with a sibling felt like this. Good job. Make it longer.
#5
The rhyming and patterns in the second verse kind of confuse me, as does the order. Does the chorus show up again between the verses, or is it just one long verse? I like the chorus, so throw it in there a bit more (just my opinion).

Now, onto what I liked. The chorus and the outro were awesome. It's good to find something that sounds powerful and repeat it (not too much) enough so that it sticks in the listener's head.
#6
[Chorus][Verse][Chorus][Verse]
I cant leave, not sure if i should attempt to rhyme these 3 lines..?
Cant escape, line 2
Im trapped, line 3[Chorus X2]
my brother and my keeper,
my walker and my killer,
you picked me up,
and threw me higher.
my brother and my keeper,
my walker and my killer,
you picked me up,
and threw me higher.
My brother and my keeper,

???[[Slow, emotive Guitar solo]]???[Fade out]

my brother and my keeper,
my walker and my killer,
my brother and my keeper,
my walker and my killer,
my brother and my keeper,
my walker and my killer,
Last edited by shamozz at Jul 23, 2006,
#9
The song is about..

The song's about my relationship with my father, I don't have any brothers but feel as though he is more of a brother to me in the biblical sense..?

I just really hate him sometimes, but other times he's like my best friend.

#10
Thanks for the crit, first of all. You have a nice piece here, but it was kind of short. Other than that I liked it. Just add a bit more to it.