#1
i guess this would be more of a poem, maybe, i dont know yet. its not technical at all but its honest, and that to me is what matters.

if you cant give me your heart
wont you give me your hand?
let me dream for just one moment
and ill beg that moment to never end

for the world is our dance floor
and passion our music
like a feather floating across the sky
we'll dance whichever way the wind moves us

let all of the world watch us in love
"look on moon, look on clouds
though i fear once shes in my arms
tis only death can slow me down"

theres a certain shine in her infectious smile
second only to the sparkle in her eyes
her voice this mans siren song
beautiful as a new mother lullaby
#2
Whoa, sorry your not getting that many post. It's a good poem. Great job. All i can say is that people kinda get more into when it rhymes because then it has a rythm. Try making your next songs rhyme. Good luck
#6
Lyrics are hard to judge on paper as theres some average lyrics that work very well in a song. Your lyrics are good and i wouldnt really worry about it not rhyming alot as long as you make it work in the song. Keep it up
#7
usually anysong that has the word love in it is just lame beyond, belife, surprisingly, i like
#8

if you cant give me your heart
wont you give me your hand?
let me dream for just one moment
and ill beg that moment to never end

this is kind of cliched and cheesy, but I like it. S'all cute and stuff.
However, the last line IMO needs a little work; I think one syllable should be cut out to even the flow, and it is really really cheesy there. I'd do summat about it there lol.

for the world is our dance floor
and passion our music
like a feather floating across the sky
we'll dance whichever way the wind moves us

Very lovely imagery with the feather, that works very well. Nothing to crit here, I love this.

let all of the world watch us in love
"look on moon, look on clouds
though i fear once shes in my arms
tis only death can slow me down"

Very beautiful indeed. Great stanza.

theres a certain shine in her infectious smile
second only to the sparkle in her eyes
her voice this mans siren song
beautiful as a new mother lullaby

Wow, this is perfect. What a lovely work of poetry this was to read. I'm glad I decided to read it. Excellent work man
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