#1
The title was totally just made up, so there are probably some better ideas out there.

Anywho, here goes cliche...

"Okay (Apathy is My Friend)"

(Verse)

As I walk the streets around
this fast and this busy town
a pretty girl catches my eye
but on her arm there is a guy

as I walk on down the street
I see all the love int he summer heat
but I don't care about all that fuss
I just get up on the bus

(Prechorus)

So what if I die alone
I'm fine being on my own

(Chorus)

I don't care about relationships
I don't care about all that's hip
I don't care 'bout romance anymore
cause nothing's fair in love and war

(Verse)

My life consists of work and music
less of girls more of a pick
but sometimes I feel lonely
feel like there's someone for me

but if there's really "the one"
what does she do for fun?
what color is her hair?
what kind of clothes does she wear?

(repeat Prechorus and Chorus again)

(spoken-ish interlude)

I know I'm not the best guy out there
and I feel that it's just not fair
girls always seem to ignore me
there's something I guess they can't see

(fast interlude)

but I don't care anymore
I'm done cryin' on the floor
I don't care about what they say
I'm alone and that's okay
#2
Wow, man this is good. EVERYBODY knows wut it's like to be lonely and they'll remember that wen they read this...which is good I guess. Anyways the song is good. It's well written. It's a good length. So all together it is great. Oh and stick with the girl thing, you'll find somebody.lol
#5
sounds like the song's style is more or less "punk" (which is cool with me)
a couple verses could use some re-wording:
My life consists of work and music
less of girls more of a pick
but sometimes I feel lonely
feel like there's someone for me

just some thoughts - still like it though
#6
heres the deal...
it would make a great childrens book...haha...just kidding...


i think some of your rhymes are a bit korney...and maybe you dont have to make every line rhyme...but other than that...its a great idea...
crit my rhymes?:

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Subtle Arrogance

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#7
Thanks for the crit on my song. When I read this song, one thing came to mind..."radio-friendly". Some people might shudder at that word, but unless your stuff is played on the radio, you can't make it big. Keep up the work. This was good. Next time though, write a serious song. You need to maintain balance.
#8
Yeah, this song has an interesting history. The original lyrics were really serious and about a different subject, but then I wrote another guitar part that fit the rhythm, but it was too lighthearted for the other lyrics. Hence, this song was born: a lighthearted look at relationships.
#9
i feel u did a nice job with an
extremely cliche topic.......
some ryhmes seemed forced
but i dont think it effects u to much
overall it was a good read!
#10
Yeah, nice piece of work here. Few songs about love are that interesting. The only thing that I can complain about is the last line in verse 1: "but on her arm there is a guy" Don´t know why, but I really don´t like that line. It damages the flow.
Some live, some die. And the rest of us just keep fighting eachother.
#11
i think you tried to rhyme too hard, and what made the rhyming slightly boring is the use of only one syllable mundane words. try mixing it up, with some other vocabulary. just sit and think of different ideas you could weave in that you could connect to that stanza, or prior line instead of forcing the rhyme. i liked the last line of the chorus, very original, and the first two lines of the piece were also very good. as a whole this subject is very overdone but there is some room for creativity, so idk if you plan on editing this or if its just set, but if you do give it some time and try to connect different ideas and give it some variety. this is a nice start though.
#12
huh, cool. Yeah at first I was like... ehh, but putting a punk beat to it makes it make more sense. not too bad, kinda cheesey, and the constaint rhyming kinda hurts. Thanks for the crit btw. appreciate it =D (I like the overall theme of this guy, but it definetly needs smoothing out)
#14
i really like it...it is cliche, but you make it sound very good...some of the rhymes sound forced but they got a nice flow...good work..and if you dont mind could you crit one of my songs...preferably seven years...
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