#1
these are some lyrics i just wrote on a trip home, im working on my lyics, please crit

The leaves fall so perfectly
Yet still they expire
A single peice of grass
Is enough to start a fire

We feed off the fruit
They feed off each other
We starve, they die
We'll steal from our brother

Another night, we live in fear
Darkness covers all
Id run from this that makes me tremble
But then I'd slip and fall


its about the damage we've brought to the world, as a growing race... the they in the second paragraph is talking about animals (not canibals lol) but yeah again please crit
#2
Good job using metaphores. If this is a poem it is great. If it is a song it needs another verse/ stanza and a chorus. No matter wut though it is great writing.

By the way please crit my new one, Embracing Loneliness
#4
originality is good yes, but for people to know the song i should add a chorus, and something to remeber the song by, or something that repeats... or maybe just a similar melody... hmm....
becuase i had thought it to be a song, but didnt worry about that, and just wrote 3 paragraphs...
thanks for the feedback,
#5
"A single piece of grass / is enough to start a fire"... love it, beautiful

A chorus would help, but it's in no way mandatory to remember a song by. Four words: All Along the Watchtower