#1
Hey,
Just wrote some lyrics and looking for some feedback (good or bad). Please can you have a little read.

Cheers


Verse 1
I?m sitting down, writing this song
Cause we haven?t spoken for so long
These feelings I?m having wont go away
They seem to grow stronger every day

Verse 2
I?m wondering what your doing at this very moment
Hoping your maybe thinking of me
I know it?s a long shot but it keeps me going
Praying your coming home to me

Pre Chorus
I don?t wanna mess things up, between us
But I needed to let u know how I?m feeling
I know your scared but please don?t give up
Cause I wont let you get away

Chorus
I?ve fallen for you
Hock line and sinker
And I hope, you feel the same way too
I?ve fallen for you
I Hope the feelings mutual
Cause all I ever want is you

I?ve Fallen For You

Verse 3
I?ll never rush you but I hope its not too long
Till I get to hold you in my arms
Hold you, love you and protect you
Please can you give ma the chance

Pre Chorus 2
I know its hard, to open up
But trust me I won?t let you down
I?ll be yours forever
If you?ll only say you?ll be mine

Chorus
I?ve fallen for you
Hock line and sinker
And I hope, you feel the same way too
I?ve fallen for you
Hope the feelings mutual
Cause all I ever want is you

I?ve fallen for you
#2
"I?m sitting down, writing this song"

not a good way to start off the song.

in verse 2 you rhyme 'me' with 'me' try something else.

in the chorus, the line 'hope the feelings mutual' is kind of lame.

besides that it's not bad. work on that.
I've seen emo-er.


Member of the "I am a Fan of Gaycore Wrestle-Metal" Fanclub.
#3
that is SUX!!!!! if you really want to use those lyrics, scream so no-one can understand. if the music's real kickass, you might get by, but with emo, the music never is.
#4
I do not agree........ First off emo music rocks. second...the lyrics aren't bad. they are very average and cliche but it is pretty and a nice thought. I liked it...not the best it could be, so work on it. after a little tweaking it'll be GRRREAT.

ps... emo rocks.. deal wit it. lol
#5
dude, emo is just a bunch of powerchords and every once in a while someone'll use three notes on a high string for a chorus. its also whining idiots whine-singing: "oh you broke my heart! oh but i still love you! i wish we were together!" ([coughing]-yellowcard!) some emo-screamo's decent tho.
#6
Quote by sadist_squirrel
that is SUX!!!!! if you really want to use those lyrics, scream so no-one can understand. if the music's real kickass, you might get by, but with emo, the music never is.

This, from the guy who wrote the beautiful song, "Smite You", which sucked more than a Hoover. These lyrics kick ass. Yours do not. Go away. I wil have to agree with Levelhead's suggestions, though, other than that, they're pretty good. Can you please check out my rap, "Cut Your Senseless Preachin'", unless you already did, but if you didn't, here's the link: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=399314
#7
dude, you cant judge the beutifulness of a sweet, pure, awesome, completly random alt-metal if you dont understand it. come on, you like rap!
#8
Quote by sadist_squirrel
dude, you cant judge the beutifulness of a sweet, pure, awesome, completly random alt-metal if you dont understand it. come on, you like rap!

Come on, according to most of this forum, my raps kick ass. Unlike your song. But I'm not gonna go any farther because if we don't stop, we'll get in trouble. So peace, brother.
#9
haha...i liek how a metal head was in a songwritting forum...are ther words in metal???

i never knew...i was too busy covering up my ears so i wouldnt have to listen to the distortion on the guitars...

but anyways...

those lyrics arent bad...i agree with levelhead about the rhyme scheme tho
"I know its hard, to open up
But trust me I won?t let you down"
great one-liner---^
"
crit my rhymes?:

Lets Get Drunk and Fuck.

Subtle Arrogance

Do you realize, that i can clearly see your clitoris through your jeans?

Quote by Shaepwnsyou
They're very religious, so they have butt sex to save their virginity.
#10
.... this is the same thing as..


I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light.
I can?t remember how
I can?t remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can?t STAND the pain
And I can?t
make it go away
No I can?t STAND the pain


How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
got nowhere to run
The night goes on as I?m fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody?s screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I?m slipping off the edge
I?m hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold
On to a time when
Nothing mattered
And I can?t explain
What happened and I can?t erase the things that I?ve done
No I can?t


How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
got nowhere to run
The night goes on as I?m fading away
I?m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

I've made my mistakes
got nowhere to run
The night goes on as I?m fading away
I?m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me