#1
Four years of highschool German and all I got out of it was a song title. Rock.

Angst Angst Uber Alles
(Trans: Fear fear over everything)

Sing a song for the dead
A tune made out of
Never-read love notes and
Twisting concrete
Played in lines that rise and fall
Like smoke and glass
And before the music fades
Carve their names into walls
(So we never forget)

We looked to the clear blue skyline
To see plays flying low
And a coloumn of smoke that never ended
We listened to the burning fire
To hear the mantra that killed us all
And the voices of the dead that
We hope died for a reason

It seemed so long ago but
We still look to the clear blue skyline
For a coloumn of smoke that will never rise
Because we're the dead waiting to die
Wondering: "Before the music fades,
Who will carve our names into walls?"

Rock On
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#3
Terrific imagery. The subject matter is clearly well thought through and put forward clearly, with good tone throughout. It's really good.

I must confess that I've had too much to drink to really take it all in properly, but it really is good, and I may well write a fuller crit when sobered.

Alex
"You can never quarantine the past."
#4
Ha ha. Drunk posting = awesome. Regardless, thanks for the reads.

Rock On
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#5
Honestly, i usually dont like your stuff but this, i really enjoyed the whole smoke sky had a good feel to it and good mental picture, though i do think you could benefit from some punctuation. anyways ,nice

Mike


'my journal and reality' if your returning
#7
Trig, I'll get to it. Thanks for the reads fellas.

Rock On
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#8
Yes, I agree with the mighty Mike and Alex, great imagery and a really nice feel to the piece. As a whole, it stuck together, never strayed in tone or message, and was just overall a good thing to read.

Can't really find any faults with it. Punctuation, yes, maybe. and second line of the second stanza: Plays or planes? that's the only bit I got confused.

Still, Good Job. Keep it up, is all I can say.
#9
"California Uber Alles"
- Dead Kennedy's

song titles been done
"These are the words you wish you wrote down. This is the way you wish your voice sounds; Handsome and smart. My toungue's the only muscle on my body that works harder than my heart"
#10
DAMNIT! Well...one more reason to cut these emo wrists of mine.

...or not.

Rock On
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