#1
I decided to write this after hearing The Autumn Offerings ?Revelation?. I have written a couple of songs before, but I put a lot of time and effort into this, so please leave some constructive criticism (crit for crit if that is the only reason you are reading this)
Thank you


Verse 1:
Look at what we have become
After we have came so far
We rape the land and sun
For the profit and the power

Chorus:
Why do we turn our head?
When the helpless cry for food
We conform with the emotionally dead
Why don?t we help them as we should?

Verse 2:
Where are the decent values
Which we fought to uphold
Lost in the sea of propaganda
Inflicted on the young and old
For we no longer care
About what is wrong or right
Just as long as we get our share
Of our greed based culture, without a fight

Chorus

Verse 3:
When did we lose the common goal
To give to them and not to lend
When was it that we sold our soul
For the designer label, and the trend

Chorus

Outro:
Can we regain
What we have lost?
Or is it long forgotten?
We'll be washed and buried one day my friend
And the time we were given will be left for the world
The flesh that lived and loved will be eaten by plague
So let the memories be good for those who stay
#2
I would like to fully crit...but I can sum this up in a few words.
The difficultly here is that you're using such well-trod phrases and ideas, and, like so many writers, seem to be simply recycling these, making any true sentiments null and void. The key to this is the fact that you're very vague; it's all very well to bang on about 'values' and suchlike, but if there's nothing behind it you're effectively saying nothing. Welcome to the Political Song: one of the hardest mediums to pull off. I'm not saying you write badly, I'm merely saying that whether you mean what you are saying becomes irrelevant because it comes accross as another song about something to do with poor people and war and injustice and the like. I slate this very style in one of my pieces, not meaning to be arrogant, but it is so easy to slate, beacause all to often, the political song is transparent and pointless due to generic writing and vagueness.

Alex

Edit: Maybe not a few words, but I hope you get my drift.
"You can never quarantine the past."
#3
It's all good, except for the very last line. We didn't lose anything. The middle east hates us for aiding Isreal. Iraq didn't change anything. Other than that, good! Keep writing
#4
I liked it, although I do agree with the first guy that you may need to express things better in a political song. I thought it was definitely written well, the product of time and effort. I think the first verse is great, as well as the chorus.... very solid stuff there. Verse 2 was decent I think, though nothing that hasn't already been said a lot (which is fine for most songs, but the trouble with political songs is that you HAVE to bring something new to the table or it can come off bad). Overall, it's not bad at all.... maybe think of rewriting some of the last 2 verses, but you have your thoughts which is a good thing. With some revisions, I think it's got promise. Keep workin...