#1
here's a song that you will worship forevar. short, sweet, and to the point.

___________________________________________________________________
i'll smite you all
you WILL be smited
into the spikepit you'll fall
by a dog be bited
smite!
you!
smite!
you!

(guitars, bass, drums, that stuff-nenenenenenenenenenene!)

i'm at my cauldron
chanting a cliche-ish spell
(nenenenene!)
you should start to run
before i send you straight to hell
(nenenenene!)

but wait- i like you
you saved me from the bird poo

(short solo-ish bridge-y thing here)

i'll be nice, cuz your nice
here's some free beans n rice
your death'll be quick and painless
and your corpse wont even be much of a mess

smite!
you!
smite!
you!
___________________________________________________________________

oh yeah.......
Last edited by sadist_squirrel at Jul 24, 2006,
#2
very short man... I think I see the retarded influence of System here (I mean that in a good way, I'm a big fan). I laughed after the by a dog be bited... that's funny. Two things I'm not big on. First (and most), the bird poo part.... just kinda drags the piece down. Second, I'd tighten down the last verse there... maybe to something like "your death'll be quick and painless, your corpse wont even be a mess" idk... it's really up to you... I liked how generally retarded it was, ala system. Good to see someone influenced by them. Keep writing.
#3
a-user-name:

im likin your stuff its good, but you may want to vary it up a little, as they all follow a similar structure, which can lead to a feeling of repetition...

good job tho anyways!
#4
Quote by a-user-name
very short man... I think I see the retarded influence of System here (I mean that in a good way, I'm a big fan). I laughed after the by a dog be bited... that's funny. Two things I'm not big on. First (and most), the bird poo part.... just kinda drags the piece down. Second, I'd tighten down the last verse there... maybe to something like "your death'll be quick and painless, your corpse wont even be a mess" idk... it's really up to you... I liked how generally retarded it was, ala system. Good to see someone influenced by them. Keep writing.

thanks. ya, couldnt think of much in a span of 2 minutes (heheheh...), but i have even more influence from this: http://www.flashplayer.com/music/squirrelsongs.html .
watch it. funny. can you think of anything better than the bird poo crap?
#6
I'd suggest just writing more... for what you have, if you made it more emphasis on the guitar and whatnot instead of the singing. You know, like having more space on the bar for music than lyrics... i'm not good at explaining it, but hopefully you get what I mean. Like in "Forest" by SOAD, when they have that guitar part between all the lines in the verse... that'd help. Thanks A7X, haha... I kinda find it funny you did it in someone elses thread.. thanks though..
#8
this text is genious. i wouldnt change it. its just perfect.
do you have any other texts? i`d love to read them
ABRACADABRA
... f***k! you`re still ugly