#1
Hi, it`s me again... well, this is my second song. Please crit it

Voices in my head

While I run along the street
I hear voices in my head
They fill my mind
They make me sad

But I ask myself:
What`s wrong with being different?
What`s wrong with being strange?
Why don`t they let me just be?
What`s wrong with being me?

They laugh at me
They torture me and impure my thoughts
They are the black side of me
And they hit me like swords

But I ask myself:
What`s wrong with being different?
What`s wrong with being strange?
Why don`t they let me just be?
What`s wrong with being me?

While I run along the streets
Hiding behind the silence of the pain.
I feel the voices collide
They are explodin´ in my brain

But I ask myself:
What`s wrong with being different?
What`s wrong with being strange?
Why don`t they let me just be?
What`s wrong with being me?
What`s wrong with being me?


Hope you like it
#4
Man, I love those lyrics and I relate myself A LOT to them, really! My favourite part is:

"They laugh at me
They torture me and impure my thoughts
They are the black side of me
And they hit me like swords"

^^I know how it feels and you put that feeling into words in a perfect way, this Rocks! Keep up the great work!
#7
Quote by luv_my_guitar
Hi, it`s me again... well, this is my second song. Please crit it

This is gonna be honest

Voices in my head

While I run along the street
I hear voices in my head
They fill my mind
They make me sad

Boring, doens't encourage the reader to continue

But I ask myself:
What`s wrong with being different?
What`s wrong with being strange?
Why don`t they let me just be?
What`s wrong with being me?

Answer you rhetorical Questions, plus these lines are alos very bland

They laugh at me
They torture me and impure my thoughts
They are the black side of me
And they hit me like swords

impure your thoughts? that makes no sense, impure is not a verb. Also the swords line is just no good

But I ask myself:
What`s wrong with being different?
What`s wrong with being strange?
Why don`t they let me just be?
What`s wrong with being me?

While I run along the streets
Hiding behind the silence of the pain.
I feel the voices collide
They are explodin´ in my brain

the silence of the pain, and explodin in my brain do nothing for me at all.

But I ask myself:
What`s wrong with being different?
What`s wrong with being strange?
Why don`t they let me just be?
What`s wrong with being me?
What`s wrong with being me?


Hope you like it


So you are crazy. You can do the I'm crazy schtick much more creatively than this. THis is just generic and bland. Read more, and if you want to do crazy just make it sound more schizophrenic at least, these thoughts are way too coherent to make the reader think Wow this Guy really must be crazy I'll read more. Drink a bunch a caffine and read more.

crit mine if you want.https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=402453
Jesse Wants To Die Just As Much As You Want Him Dead
Last edited by Knife2aGunFight at Jul 28, 2006,
#8
You set out to write a punk/rock song and you wrote a punk/rock song. The style works and the lyrics are easy to relate to and accessible- I like!
#9
Not much to say as knife2agunfight articulated it brilliantly, other than it sounds a tad simplistic and juvenile. Then again, shouted out over a noisy punk track it may sound pretty good.
#10
This would be a great punk rock song. The lines are very relatable and you do not need to think too much to get what is going on which I like in punk rock. I would like to hear the end product.
#11
I agree that it's kind of bland and juvenile. Perhaps even naive. But since it's for a punk rock song, none of that matters.
#12
It´s quite simple. Good message. I didn´t like the "and they hit me like swords"- line. It doesn´t fit in. "Hiding behind the silence of the pain" lacks flow. But otherwise it´s good. Pretty straight forward.
Some live, some die. And the rest of us just keep fighting eachother.