#1
Hey. Please crit me on this song.
Njoi!


On top of a mountain
On a far away stream, well I,
I cant see anything

And with my unintentional
ways I believe that, I
I dont mean anything

(chorus)
Forget my name,
And forget who I am again,
Cause Im not the reason to stand in

I remember the day
you said you were my friend, but now,
you left me with nothing


althought we wont forget
everyting we've seen, were thaugt,
no to remember anything

and all you lies, broken liberty
and trust,
undue intimacy

(Bridge)
you idolize iniquity,
forget life,love and prosperity

you realise you cant reach the stars,
so now, you battle all of us


(chorus)
Forget my name,
And forget who I am again,
Cause Im not the reason to stand in

I remember the day
you said you were my friend, but now,
you left me with nothing


Guitar solo

Forget my name,
And forget who I am again,
Cause Im not the reason to stand in

I remember the day
you said you were my friend, but now,
you left me with nothing

with nothing
Last edited by Gibsonsun at Jul 26, 2006,
#2
hmmm

it seems kind of generic...
theres no real imagery, and the whole "left me with nothing" idea gets kinda lame if you don't come up with creative ways to portray it...

try using metaphors and similies...and some imagery...

crit for crit?
crit my rhymes?:

Lets Get Drunk and Fuck.

Subtle Arrogance

Do you realize, that i can clearly see your clitoris through your jeans?

Quote by Shaepwnsyou
They're very religious, so they have butt sex to save their virginity.