#1
A light flickers to signal new hope.
In the empty room.
The darkness fades.
Whilst the shadows lay awake.
Watching as the birth of the sunlight feeds on our lives
And we scream
As we fall through the eye of the needle.

Can you feel the silence eating us alive?
Can you see my life torn apart at the seams?

Broken memories reflected by shattered glass
Glisten in the morning air...
Blah.
#2
Nice song, but a lil' short, isn't it?
The lyrics are great, anyway.
Keep on writing!
<xXx>
*So Testosterone Boys &nd Harlequin Girls, Will You Dance To This Beat And Hold A Lover Close? *
#4
too short for a song but its very nicely written . make it longer and this could be an awesome song
#6
Good job, but WAY to short. It wasn't long enough to get a great deal of imagery so it fell short. Add to it and it would be good.
#7
Good song. The lyrics really evoke emotions. I liked it a lot. Though, it's true, I wish it was a bit longer, but sometimes you've kind of said all you have to say in very little time, you know what I mean? Anyway it's good. I'd like to read more of your stuff.
#8
Rly great song... But like veryone said... too short... add more and it will be amazing..

crit mine plz

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#9
Thanks for those

About the shortness....

I just write until i cant think of more to add

like in this case

anything else written would probably sound forced...
Blah.
#11
GREAT SO FAR> my ONLY complaint is that it was not enough for me. this is so amazing sooo far, and i can not wait to read more of it...keep writing exactly how u are. it is GREAT!
#12
A light flickers to signal new hope.
In the empty room.
The darkness fades.
Whilst the shadows lay awake.
This part isn't great, a little cliche and just not strong enough imo.
Watching as the birth of the sunlight feeds on our lives
And we scream
As we fall through the eye of the needle.
These lines are so much better!
Can you feel the silence eating us alive?
Can you see my life torn apart at the seams?
hmmm not great, again a little bit cliche, but still nice
Broken memories reflected by shattered glass
Glisten in the morning air...
Good ending

When i started reading it i was thinking, "How can I tell him I dont like his song while still being nice?"
But then I got to the "sunlight" line.
Great job, I don't like the start but the other lines make up for it
#13
i think i've seen better from you if i'm honest. i think the images you convey have been done too many times before, it's a complaint i have about my own writing as well though... but anyway i think this is quite average in comparison to some of your other work.
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