hey guys, this is the first song i wrote for my band after id been writin songs for about 2 years, tell me wht u think.. crit4crit.

Not Missing You


Just another lover/ with another starry dream,
out to conquer hell/ an only just sixteen,
living the life/ living down on the streets,
earns cash to pay her way,
from the junkies at her feet.

I don?t love you, I just need you
that?s right, I just used you?for a while {fill}

Remember what I told you
well I?ll tell you one last time


I?m not missing you no,
Not missing you,
Not missing you,
What?s that love, it isn?t mine
I?m not missing you tonight

Seventh-heaven angel/ got a lot on tonight
romance, not my scene/ I keep my heart on ice
fairytale seems/ it?s the end of the line
catch her, shes mine,
catch her, catch her dead or alive


I?m not missing you, no
Not missing you,
Not missing you,
never enough, last goodbyes
I won?t be missing you


Not missing you, not missing you
Not missing you, not missing you
(descending fill)
Not missing you, hmm
never again

I really liked this. It flowed well, I could tell because a melody popped right in my head while reading it which usually doesn't happen. However you have a lot of guitar work in there... 3 solos + fills.. what genre is this? Also I'd almost feel like I'd like to hear another verse about this girl, maybe that could fill the space if you were to take out some of the guitar work. Overall good. 7.5/10
kool, thanx...we yeah i agree with the guitar work, basically im jst the bass player so i write the lyrix n then if i think ther shd be a fill or sumthin i wirte it, for guidance for my guitarist. so i htink there'll probly only be one solo, an the fills, are just like one or 2 bar things to pad it out cause there were only 2 verses. so yeah i see what you mean, about getting rid of some of the guitar stuff an adding nother verse, i will maybe add a bridge as well. genre? hmm well we play mainly motley crue/GN'R cross, but i listen to a lot of stuff, i was probly listning to the Scorpions or Europe lol at the time, so in the theme of a harder 'winds of change' or 'carrie' if you know those songs.
The "and only just sixteen" part is a little redundant. If you can, try not to say "only" and "just" together. Other than that, its a pretty good song with a nice concept and a good flow.
I enjoyed it... the way it flowed.. I could here a hole song with drums, guitar etc...

But take out the first solo and teh extra chorus after it... then it will be good...

I give this a good 8/10

Crit mine plz

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Nice job!
Just like you, I'm the bass player inmy band and I do write the lyrics for the band.
I think the solo and the fills will came by them self while you'll try to play the song. The song will evoluate by itself.
By the way, I really like the way you are NOT missing her, kind of unusual in this forum

Continue your great job.
hey friday face n everyone thanx for teh comments, i think ive got back to most of you who have songs to crit, if i havent just pm me if u want. thanx. so im working on a 3rd verse an restructuring the solos n stuff. FridayFace i think your right about the music, but i dont actually think its one of my best songs, but as soon as we get it recorded, ill put it up.
I love this. It is awesome. One of the few i have an easy time imagining the sound. I imaginate to be kinda like a panic at the disco sounding song. It's rock right. Awesome job.
really love the song. its good to get a break from the love songs. great job
redundancies will kill your songs. they're ok every once and awhile but still. I can kinda sing that to the song Not listening by Papa Roach. Kinda. haha its still good 7/10