#1
somewhere along the way
i seem to have lost my way
amongst other things
i wish i didnt hate you
but i seem to lose my mind
when it comes to seeing
you at your weakest
amongst other things

somehow ive changed
with everyone around me
spinning, crying, slowly dying
ending, losing, slowly dying
i never gave permission
for you leave this way
or any way at all

i used to have safe spots
hiding places in random spaces
seems you can get me anywhere
and i hate you for that
amongst other things
maybe im losing you tomorrow
maybe im losing you tonight
but the grey matter stays
chaining me to past, present, future
i think i need a key
among other things

i wish i didnt have to
cry in my basement
when everyone is asleep
seems like it wont end
and i have too many thoughts
to ever fall asleep in my bed
ever again

somewhere along the way
i seem to have lost my way
among other things
i wish i didnt hate you
but i seem to lose my mind
when it comes to seeing
you at your weakest
among other things
i shwung and i shwinged
but it never really shwang
Last edited by toobsok at Jul 26, 2006,
#2
I like it apart from the second to last part, that bit's way too obvious. Also check your spelling and grammar. Dieing=dying. Among=amongst.
21st Century Digital Boy
#3
thats is very good, i liked it all, mostly this bit

somehow ive changed
with everyone around me
spinning, crying, slowly dieing
ending, losing, slowly dieing
i never gave permission
for you leave this way
or any way at all

i thought that flowed very well

crit4crit please . links in my sig
PSN: Noverion
#4
kool song. . . i dunno what i'd change, seems to flow pretty well. . .good words and imagery. . .sorry i cnt give a better crit. . .but i reele like it and dnt think i could change a thing. . . . .

sorry again. . . but if u could crit my newest it would be appreciated ---> Waterworld
And My Soul From Out That Shadow That Lies Floating On The Floor, Shall Be Lifted. . . Nevermore.
The Raven -Edgar Allen Poe
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(='.'=)
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