#1
I just grit my teeth and swallow,
For every little time you speak.
My darkest thoughts become exposed,
And the hate takes over me.
I can feel it in my head now,
Everytime your heart beats.
Distant voices growing louder,
As the wound begins to bleed.
Unlike any feeling,
Kept inside for too long,
You give me another second,
And I'll show you right from wrong.
All this pressure around me,
It's pulsing in my mind.
The urge is getting stronger,
And you're running out of time.
I'm way too far in now,
My bones begin to ache.
Just one more f*cking remark,
Before my limit begins to break.
I've bottled this inside me,
To the point where I'll explode.
I can't hold it any longer,
My anger begins to show.
Smirk at me one more time,
And I'll jaw you in the mouth.
My eyes have become so bloodshot,
That the truth just comes out.
I.....F*CKING.....HATE.....YOU!!!!!!
KURCE FROM WITHIN
#2
hey thats good i just dont know about the ending. it gets the point across in the song and i just dont know how that ending would sound but ya overall its well writin
#4
i seen it more like an interlude like after a song, fred durst and Korn do it alot in their albums, i figured i would add my own material in it. just a thought....
KURCE FROM WITHIN
#5
I would make a decent breakdown at the end of a song, the last line is very unessessary, there are some good points, starting at pressure and ending at bones break, some of it was just kind of boring, where you have already gotten your point across, especially the smirk lines. Also stop listening to the music you mention above because you will learn jack doody from them since they suck. Profanity is how the ignorant and depraved speak.

you can crit mine if you want https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=402453
Jesse Wants To Die Just As Much As You Want Him Dead
#6
Knife2aGunFight is right-hey that kinda rhymed! but i don't know that u learn much lyrically from korn and limp bizkit
#7
I kinda like it. i get a good vibe from it, and you set the mood well. Just, at some parts, it seemed to flow, some it didnt...... And if you spaced it out, gave it sections that may help, but i dont think sections are needed. It seemed fine.
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