#1
America's Pastime Turned into Motivation (for the team)

charge! on after it if you want it bad enough. and charge! onto the field and tackle the entire line. and charge! on after God no one can stop a speeding bullet. and charge! just to say you tried to make it out alive. and charge! on through death because no one can bury both body and soul.

1, 2, 3, 4... and we will go quietly no one expects this of me.

so charge! with all you have it is okay if you fail. and charge! for the half time show and cheer along with the crowd. and charge! for the ones you love, i swear they will be here when we get back. and charge! for freedom and let ir ring, oh let it ring

1, 2, 3, 4 and we will march with the band no one expects this of me

i have a tune along for this as well .so i hope you enjoy it as much as i do

love,
the message
#4
i thought comments were suppose to be constructive criticism and i dont see anything constructive but i am much still abliged.


love,
the message
#5
is 804 your area code? if so interesting, because i know where that is.

I felt this piece was a little weak. and childish and the repetition of charge got old. and i wasn't a big fan of the 1 2 3 4 thing going on there. but i dunno. The piece was nothing special sorry. not to me atleast
Can you see in the dark? Can you see the look on your face?
#6
you a thursday/anti-flag fan by any chance? not just the numbers.. the writing style seems reminicent.

America's Pastime Turned into Motivation (for the team)
like the title, a little bit awkward but the idea is solid. america's favourite pastime turned moviation, america's motivated pastime, just throw around some stuff...


charge! on after it if you want it bad enough. and charge! onto the field and tackle the entire line. and charge! on after God no one can stop a speeding bullet. and charge! just to say you tried to make it out alive. and charge! on through death because no one can bury both body and soul.
loved this first stanza. not paragraphed very well which made it difficult to get the flow from reading it, but with some effort very solid.
maybe,
charge! on after it if you want it bad enough
and charge! onto the field and tackle the entire line
and charge! on after God no one can stop a speeding bullet
and charge! just to say you tried to make it out alive
and charge! on through death because no one can bury both body and soul.


1, 2, 3, 4... and we will go quietly no one expects this of me.
personally not fan of the counting lyrically, maybe an original spin on it could be more effective. "counting, 1 through 4. and we will go so queitly. no, no-one expects this of me"?

so charge! with all you have it is okay if you fail. and charge! for the half time show and cheer along with the crowd. and charge! for the ones you love, i swear they will be here when we get back. and charge! for freedom and let ir ring, oh let it ring
same phrasing problem as the first verse but again, very solid.


overall i liked this a fair bit, with some crunch guitar, huge drums and a nice anthemic chord progression it would definitely be succesful.