#1
I altered the piece to make it more special and less forced...letting the lines come naturally...and this is what came of it:


Daydreams of golden radiance
fill my head when I'm with you.

Apocaliptic thoughts of our world's end
disappear when you're here with me.

Nuclear thoughts explode in my mind
everytime you pass me by.

Netherworlds of nothingness turn into beautyfull heavens
with the mere touch of your presence.

Invocations of love cast by you
these are my feelings for you.
On the sixth day God created mankind, I say it is a waste of time.
My project: _simple_city
#3
Quote by LGM
I altered the piece to make it more special and less forced...letting the lines come naturally...and this is what came of it:


Daydreams of golden radiance
fill my head when I'm with you.

Apocaliptic thoughts of our world's end
disappear when you're here with me.

Nuclear thoughts explode in my mind
everytime you pass me by.

Netherworlds of nothingness turn into beautyfull heavens
with the mere touch of your presence.

Invocations of love cast by you
these are my feelings for you.


Hey,

It's not too bad; it just needs a bit of tweaking. I hope you don't mind, but here are some changes of my own:

Dreams of summer,
Creep into me, as I am with you.

Bitter thoughts of a tragic end,
Leave my mind, as you are with me.


I would also change this verse: "Nuclear thoughts explode in my mind." It doesn't evoke a good image, in my head. Finally, the last part needs some cleaning up because right now it seems a bit redundant.

Anyway, this is just my view on your idea, so just take what you want, or throw it all away.