Title:Saying Goodbye

I don?t know which is worse
You never saying goodbye
Since you never got a chance
Or you returning just to watch me leave
I want you to know
My best times where with you
I don?t care what my parents say
I don?t care what your problems are
Your all that I think of
Since every where I went
You were next to me
No one wants to hear it
When I talk about you
But they don?t know
What you meant to me
I want everything back
Everything that meant something
You act as tough when I know
You?ll cry, maybe no one will
See but I?ll know
Seize the day
Just don?t lose your head
I wish to see you soon
I hope you change
Good bye for now
Okay, well, first things first, I can see this has been inspired by a break-up of some sort, yea?

Whilst it's honest in that it's raw emotion, I feel that it's pushing the boundaries of honesty a little too much. I understand that you may be a little reluctant to revise some of the lines, as you were feeling so strongly at the time you wrote it, but if you were to put this into a song (presuming you were writing it as a song), you may want to consider taking one of your favourite sections (I think that "Just don?t lose your head....Good bye for now" would work well) from the song and making that it's chorus.

I don't believe that
"I don?t care what my parents say,
I don?t care what your problems are"
are very effective due to the repetition, and somewhat 'childish' nature of the lines, but again, due the raw power of this song, I think overall, the song is pretty emotive.

Edit: Crit-for-crit?
Last edited by olif8 at Jul 26, 2006,