#1
VERSE:
Even now there's something
To be proud about
You come up the hard way
And they'll remind you every day
You're nothing

PRE-CHORUS:
Oh my words in your mouth
Are mumbled all about
You're like a journalist
How you can cut and paste and twist
You're awful

CHORUS:
Tell it to your king
Tell him everything you know
Tell him you know how I feel
Tell him you know how I feel at the palace gates
Oh I'm all levered off my face
And just to work out what it's on about
And see snakes in eyes
And danger signs

VERSE:
If you were late you mustn't dare complain
And you won't like this at all
There's nothing to break your fall

CHORUS:
Oh tell it to your king
Tell him everything you know
And you know how I feel out of place
Until I'm levered off my face
And I can't work out what your on about
Didn't they explain
You have to play the game, oh-oh

BRIDGE:
He drinks and smokes his cares away
His heart is in the lonely way
Living in the ruins
Of a castle built on sand

___________________________________________________________________


What do you think of it?
Did you see the stylish kids in the riot?


Quote by pinheadslts75
I hate AVA. They sound like U2 and Rush getting beat up by Panic at the Fall Out Boy.


:stickpoke
#2
Thread title changed. Please read the forum rules regarding thread titles.
#3
Okay..

But what do you guys think of it?
Did you see the stylish kids in the riot?


Quote by pinheadslts75
I hate AVA. They sound like U2 and Rush getting beat up by Panic at the Fall Out Boy.


:stickpoke
#4
Tell it to your king
Tell him everything you know
Ok I thought this was a good start to the chorus
Tell him you know how I feel
Tell him you know how I feel at the palace gates
Ok there is sumthing wrong here... The repeatativness wasn't that great... stopped the flow to the chorus
Oh I'm all levered off my face
I cant understand this line
And just to work out what it's on about
And see snakes in eyes
And danger signs
A good ending to the chorus... If you change the middle to the chorus a bi.. then this wont be lagging


Overall... good job... just the parts in the chorus need changing...

7/10

Crit plz
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Which is why i came in here....

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