#1
Hey Guys, this isn't finished but it's all i've got so far and i've been working on it for a week. Anyway, the repeated words are there for my benefit when i'm recording, i do it with all my songs so if you see something that looks out of place it actually fits in with the song no matter how bad it might sound in your head...

A Little Bit Of Distance

Hands in your hair
As you dance down the stairs this mornin?
The smile you?re beaming
Is bringing down the ceiling; you?re gorgeous

As I wait for the moment when you become human
And the real world begins to make sense
Please don?t cry, oh, please don?t cry

There?s that light in your eyes
And nothings more bright than your afterglow
So I?ll give you some distance
And savour the instance when you overflow
When you overflow

You?re nothing but brilliant so savour the moment
I?m falling in deep to your eyes
You?re the ocean of consequence, and I don?t stand a chance
So if I?m dreaming just let me dream
If I?m dreaming just let me dream
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."
#2
Honestly i liked it. Im sure usually id do a full crit on this and tell you tons of things that are wrong but i just kind of feel it anyways um one thing that kinda drew the line was "consequence" it ruined flow reading it. Now i realize you say it works in the song, but if it doesnt work on paper theres always something that would be better, even in the song. So thats my giff. i may coem back and point a few more things out later but for now. Thats my statement. If your returning "my journal and reality" last one in my sig.


-Mike
#3
^ Actually I beg to differ. That was my favourite line. It was great . Beautifully written. It's really good but it feels kind of short. I'd love to hear it in a song cause it doesn't really fit in my head. But otherwise, it's great.
#4
Haha, thanks Mike, thank Ally, you both rule, it's not finished yet, there isn't even a chorus but i'll get to that, thanks for your crits
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."
#6
Thanks, You like Bright Eyes, good too see some people on here like good music. In Fact i where in Aus do you live because they're not very well known here...

Anyway thanks everyone
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."
#7
Quote by Auals
Thanks, You like Bright Eyes, good too see some people on here like good music. In Fact i where in Aus do you live because they're not very well known here...

Anyway thanks everyone


I live in north-east Victoria, and I've never met anyone else who likes Bright Eyes
So I have the internet to thank for introducing me to good music...
#8
Haha, i have a girl of incredible music tastes who started singing Lover, I Don't Have To Love at school one day and made me realise how awesome he was. Check out the Desaparecidos, they're his indie/pop/punk/rock band, bloody amazing
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."