#1
I came up with this a few hours ago so I havent written a chorus for it and the title is completely concrete. I'm still getting used to the writing lyrics and all (havent read any lessons or columns on it) but could u guys crit?


an amaranthine anuerism
sparks flash upon our collision
awake from an recuring nightmare
about you but i dont care
thoughts so simple and elemantary
as I write another entry
why am I here I dont know
the prophet is what the profit shows

such great heartbreak and incurable thirst
its raining ashes so it couldnt get worst
get on your knees and say your last prayer
for you but should i care
descisions meant for burdens
how could i be so discerning
why am I here I dont know
the prophet is what the profit shows
#2
allright man, this is pretty good writing, i mean its not bad. it rhymes line by line, but thats not nesessarily a bad thing as long as you dont do it on all of yours, (is it rap?) and for the words, theyre actually pretty good, well written, good job

if youre critting back, my sig has my new song, Found Myself