#1
well these are lyrics to a song I posted on here earlier today, the lyrics came to me while I was playing my guitar which is why its pretty random. crit for crit leave links

A Diamond Forever

Have you ever wondered,
Why diamonds are pretty?
Maybe its cause there natural
Maybe there just destined to be

You said you loved me
But never would stay
Feeling like a pick
Being strummed away

What if your sun never rose?
Or if your son never woke up
How would it be if the moon
Was sitting alone next to me

Now this time got me
Feeling like a fool
Making me seem like
The one who was cruel

So this is the end, I?ll let it end
Maybe there is a future for me
Or maybe there is nothing left at all
One thing for sure there?s something ahead

Imagine you saw the ocean
Vanish beneath the sand
I?d bet you be pretty scared
Or you just wouldn?t care

The sun is burning
Mother earth to pieces
Nothing can survive
Not even Jesus

It would be so thrilling
To let your mind go freely

It turned out to be
Just someone lying
It?s time to gather
To keep on trying

So this is the end, I?ll let it end
Maybe there is a future for me
Or maybe there is nothing left at all
One thing for sure there?s something


Guess what
The sun is rising
The stars are showing
And time
Time keeps on going
anybody wanna put anything here just let me know
#2
I can't speak for everyone, but I found this one to be good. You use a lot of imagery in this. I don't really like the part about diamonds at all, just my opinion though. I like the reference to a guitar pick, that was good. Third stanza was solid. I thought 4 and 5 were decent, nothing special though. I really liked number 6, the part about the ocean disappearing beneath the sand... very good thought there. The rest is ok, although I'm not big on the jesus part. 5 is there as a chorus... not bad for a chorus. I think the ending is pretty decent, it sums up things pretty good i think. Overall it's good I think... keep it up
Last edited by a-user-name at Jul 27, 2006,
#3
"What if your sun never rose?
Or if your son never woke up
How would it be if the moon
Was sitting alone next to me "

The stanzas like that stood out.
This is good and bad. They seem to not be related much to the song, feels like
you were thinking 4 different things at one time when trying to write it. Which can turn out pretty good but it's always noticable. If the music's right no one will care. But if you want the song to be interpreted correctly and mean something to someone you may want to spread those ideas out? Just a suggestion, I liked those stanzas.
#4
P.S. yes, the Ocean disappearing beneath the sand, very cool thought. But had no relation to the song
#5
hey guys thanks for the insight, and let me explain it was my intentions to write seperate ideas related to one mood, well for the most part, its kidna sad/mysterious feeling and that was my only intention, just a bunch of different images, based on a couple moods. thanks for ths feedback.
anybody wanna put anything here just let me know