#1
It has a bit of a rise against feel to it. Wrote it Last night.
<< verse 1 and 2 have been revised since the comments below >>
And then tweaked again since last night.
Had to take out the " world war III " Gave me a Simple plan vibe *Yuck*


Thinking Destruction Before The War
------------------------------------
Verse 1
Let's solve some unwanted problems
before a whole new set begin.
We aren't strong believers,
And We all know that suicide's
a sin.
Is it killing you to live?

Verse 2
Take a second to tune in;
We're fighting our problems,
Cause we're only human.
But we forget what's going on.
So what's going on?
Is it that we just don't care much?
That our life time is surely covered?
I'm no angel but I care about my kids.
Oh, Is it killing you to live?

Chorus
There's a problem with the world today.
Maybe if we keep quiet no one will panic?
There's nothing much else to say,
Maybe if we keep quiet no one will plan it?--
The unspoken war that we can see,
when we've got all our problems which
is quite enough for me.
There's a problem with the world today.

Verse 3
The misconception comes when there's no one listening.
There's no one to hear if you're right or wrong.
The interception comes when we all so least expect it,
And we've all been ignoring for far too long.
I've seen the mass scale, and a lot of it is made up
of little things.
It's hard to understand what's right or wrong
when there's no one listening.


Chorus
There's a problem with the world today.
Maybe if we keep quiet no one will panic?
There's nothing much else to say,
Maybe if we keep quiet no one will plan it?--
The unspoken war that we can see,
when we've got all our problems which
is quite enough for me.
There's a problem with the world today.
Maybe if we keep quiet no one will panic?

There's a problem with the world today.
Maybe if we keep quiet no one will panic?
The unspoken war that we can see,
Maybe if we keep quiet no one will plan it?--
The unspoken world war three,
when we've got all our problems which
is quite enough for me.
There's a problem with the world today.
Maybe if we keep quiet no one will panic?
Last edited by blinnk16 at Jul 28, 2006,
#2
I can picture this for some heavy rock, progressive. For the most part I really liked it, a few odd parts in the rythym, but I think that that can be fixed on the way it's sung.

The chorus seems like it'd be good sung by two singers, with every other line in the background.

"There's a problem with the world today"
(Maybe if we keep quiet no one will panic)
"There's nothing much else to say"
(Maybe if we keep quiet no one will plan it)

etc., etc.,

Well, that's my two cents worth. If you have the chance, I have some lyrics, links in my sig. Thanks!
"If faith is the answer we've already reached it
and if spirits a sign, then it's only a matter of time"
#3
I'll check em out bro Thanks for the comment, and yes actually that's the way it's sung -- the chorus. Perhaps I'll get it recorded sometimes.
#4
ok... verse 1 started off good, but I thought the ending line kinda messed it up. Verse 2... I'd say you have some good ideas in there, but the flow of it seems really messed up. For all I know, it flows perfectly, but on paper it seems weird. I'm not big on the chorus, but I suppose it's decent. I like verse 3, it's probably the most intelligent part of the song. Overall, it certainly isn't bad, but a little revision wouldn't hurt it. On a side note, it's nice to see someone being influenced by Rise Against... I get to see them in 6 days on warped tour.. can't wait. Keep it up
#5
Thanks Yes, the rhythm is fine when sung but revision on the verses wouldn't hurt which I always do. And Yes I'm jealous!! I'd love to see rise against, trying to bum a ticket to go to the last show they do.
#6
And actually, I feel like changing the First + 2nd Verses after taking what you said into consideration so posting changes.
#9
yeah, i like this
has a lot to do with whats going on in the world today


Yep.
#10
Man I wrote an entire crit of this for each verse and then my computer froze up!
Anywho to summerize what I wrote, I really liked the first verse, then I think you relied too heavily on rhetorical questions. Another suggestion I had was that you should expound upon the metaphor you started in verse two witht eh idea of radio waves and such. It could be very cool. Overall it was a good piece though.
Jesse Wants To Die Just As Much As You Want Him Dead
#11
Quote by Knife2aGunFight
Man I wrote an entire crit of this for each verse and then my computer froze up!
Anywho to summerize what I wrote, I really liked the first verse, then I think you relied too heavily on rhetorical questions. Another suggestion I had was that you should expound upon the metaphor you started in verse two witht eh idea of radio waves and such. It could be very cool. Overall it was a good piece though.


Ah damn, computer technology at its finest eh? Anywho, your crit is greatly appreciated. The rhetorical questions I'll look into and the radio idea I can expand upon, thanks again.